I can feel my brain rattling in its cage and this is all so bumbling and mumbling and full of hot air and fresh water and cold, cold tar filling up my lungs. This is rapture and this is really rolling at too fast of a pace to be anything other than dangerous. This is an open flame just burning. All I know is what cannot be unknown. I cannot unknow this hot dangerous truth that is running towards me. This ancient, lost whisper that is searching for me through every fucking raindrop.

OK OK OK OK OK I can be stronger than this. I can stop victimizing myself. I can stop beating myself up about this. I can stop right now.

Come on rain, let’s clean this shit up.

This shit is mine. This diary has kept me aloat. Has kept me sane. So fuck it. I NEED to write.

Fucking be patient.

I get it I get it I get it I really do get it I should stop pretending like I don’t.

I didn’t mean to ignore you I just can’t control my body sometimes I get so nervous.

I know how to live like this. I’m used to living like this.


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