“It’s all worth it though, because everything that happened brought this amazing little boy to you, and that is worth it all.”

Amy was wonderful and wise and so helpful.

And it’s all happening now. It’s all changing. The weather, the air, the season. It’s all heaving together. I’m just all rapturous towards a new life. I can pull that well of hope out of me like an old friend and just sit inside of it. Wrap the world around my ears and just swell myself up on the sounds of the sky. I can just dissolve. I can just need less. I can just walk through a thousand shimmering days just open and fucking transforming. I can choose happiness and strength. I can wallow. I can smother myself. I can feel it all. I can feel it. I can feel it all again.

Money is just money. Things are just things.

Hearts though, those have to be looked after. Those have to be tended and mended and kept hard and glowing. I’ll just stay burning. I’ll just keep following this wild, untamed heart. Down firelit meadows and spinning hot streets. I’ll just keep walking this path that curves at the edges, stretches at the seams and snaps at the sinews. I can’t ever give up on my heart, it is all I’ve ever had.

Healing, that is the task. Peeling away the scar tissue and feeling the endless age of the world beneath my feet. Just feeling all that pounding, fervent sorrow at the heart of the world. That endless glowing fire that is somewhere below our feet. Just letting it burn. Just letting yourself burn. Hot and wild and armorless. Just molten with the pursuit of something called a whole heart.


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