It’s difficult you know. It’s difficult to live in this world of ours we have now. This world of too much information, too much horror, too much to see. It’s difficult to keep your head up and it’s difficult to be attacked by a barrage of things you feel helpless to make better. So many issues in the world I wish I could really change, could really help…but I have found myself so useless so many times. And so often more knowledge just leads to more depression. But ignorance is not the answer. You just have to find some way to bear this weight. To carry it and to honor it and to try to cast light onto it. To try to transform it with bare hands and no instructions. And no qualifications.

And there’s no way to be right all of the time. And there’s no way to be fighting the good fight all of the time. There’s just this pathetic attempt at being human and living in a world on fire. Pushing towards the light. We’re trying. We’re rolling the ball forward slowly, but it is back breaking work. And it is forward- there is only forward that we move. Republicans and those interested in somehow moving us backwards convince themselves that they can actually turn the wheel backwards, but they are only stalling us briefly or placing a momentary hurdle in front of us. We just have to heave harder…but progressing is where we are going. Evolving is what we are doing. Getting better. That is the trajectory. And that is the path we are walking. Towards the future and that future is progressive. I don’t believe wholly in black and white, but SOME issues…I mean really. There is an objective right and wrong here, right? I’m allowed to say that, at least to myself, right? A hundred years from now it will be embarrassing and shocking to believe how backwards we were behaving, as it is often the feeling when we look back at a hundred years from today. Progression is where the ball is rolling. We can have different ideas of where we are progressing to exactly…but progressing is where the momentum is leading. The world only spins forwards. Not back.

So I guess I just have to continue to find patience. But that is difficult. That is difficult in this world. These days. But I guess I have to have faith once again. That truth will out. That sanity will prevail and that justice has a place in this world. That humans are more intelligent than the media and the conservatives give us credit for and that deep down, at the center, the heart of life is good. And we all beat from that heart. And mostly, people are misinformed or ignorant or misguided. Or just spewing rhetoric and deeply enmeshed in ego and greed. It happens. But I have to admit it makes me sad. Profoundly sad, sometimes. And yet, it gives the rest of us clarity. And direction. And something to fight for. If only we had a more concrete way to fight for things beyond twitter and hashtags and reposts. If only I could really help the world. Really heal the world. Really work towards that deep awakening which is the only thing that might REALLY turn this thing around. And save our doomed asses from killing ourselves and the planet before the end of our lifetimes. I stand by words, but sometimes…on the bad days…they don’t feel like they’re enough. They don’t feel like they’re ever going to be enough. To tip the scales back. The earth is fucked and we’re not doing enough.

Hope is all we have. Hope that people get their fucking shit together and start giving a fucking damn about anything in the world besides themselves.

———-

Is it enough to end a marriage because it just doesn’t feel right?

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