So life. Unfolding, unfolding, unfolding. Bringing tears to my eyes and wind to my sails and this amazing fruition to the forefront of my eyes. To see equality, to see the tides turn, to see the world stepping towards that great horizon where our greater selves live. To rake in the magic of the world with open hands and open hearts. I am proud. I am happy, so happy. I am a silent prayer pressing under the skin of this country. I am thankful, thankful. Grateful. And watching the world unfold…somehow much faster than I could have ever imagined.
Life is soft. Beautiful and tumultuous. So much has happened in the past 6 weeks I can hardly comprehend it. So much flipped on its head. I’m still walking. I’m still holding Jamie in my arms. I’m still breathing. Life beats on. I don’t know how to swim out of this place or when I will…but I will. I miss Kara. I miss a great deal about how life was 2 months ago. But I’m still here. And I’ve still got worlds to discover.
Summer warmth and summer smell and summer storms are starting to leak into my skin. The earth is finding its own tenor to sing in. I’m letting the light back in. I am loving being a photographer. I am bizarrely loving running Terhune’s instagram. I was just desperate for this creative outlet. It is far more satisfying than I could have expected. I still have so many other things I wish I could do…but with Jamie I have about 15 minutes of free time within the day for myself. It’s ok, it’s ok. I love it. And it is precious time. So precious and small, these hours I get with him in my life. These hours when he is wide-eyed and completely consumed by wonder. I wish I could capture that spark that lives in a child’s eye and keep it alive in the adults I know. It is a terribly heartbreaking thing to lose. I suppose we mothers always secretly imagine that if we do the right things, at the right times, with the right love and intention, that we can keep that light aflame within our children’s eyes forever. I know it is a foolish dream. But I do wish to one day live in a world where this is not a foolish dream and where adults can have a complex understanding of the world that makes room for all sides of the coin – the good, the bad, the magic, the wonder, the tragedy, the heartbreak. And keep it all, cherish it all, honor it all. A world where adults honor that light within their children’s eyes and keep it alive within their waking, mature life alongside responsibility and disappointment and heartbreak. Understand its value and its place and keep it all, keep it all, keep it all. Honor the magic in life.
Love is all. Love is all.