19 Weeks

Oh it’s been too long since I’ve posted. He’s amazing, he’s amazing. At 18 weeks old he got his second round of shots – no side effects. He weighed 16.5 lbs and was 27 and a quarter inches long. The circumference of his head was 17 inches around which was 3 inches more than when it was born. He is joy, he is joy, he is the bright light in the whole of my life. I don’t know why more people don’t talk about it. I don’t know why motherhood gets relegated to the “given up” world that is devoid of power and strength and agility. Motherhood is joy and amazing and youth and the most miraculous kind of love. Well, people have said those things before, it’s true. But it isn’t sugar coated and abstract…it’s what i have been waiting all of my life for and I never knew. It’s love in its finest form. Pure, raw, gentle, forceful, endless, unconditional and purposeful. It is art is all its glory- creation and meaning and empowering and reflective. It is singing and having your voice be heard. It is meaning and have a meaning beyond any other relationship you have ever had. It is the essence of humanity and the essence of being alive. It is holding another’s life in your bare hands and it is a job wherein your ability to give love is the number one responsibility. It is what my heart has been looking for my whole life. And I had no idea. i had no idea. I’m glad no one ruined the surprise for me because what a remarkable discovery it has been. Fulfilling is not even the word. Gratitude is not even the word. Bliss is close, magic is close, but what it really is is beyond words.

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