6 Weeks Old

And I don’t know how I got here. It feels like the most remarkable task to have completed. It feels bright and boundless and brilliant. It feels like time moves through me like liquid and languid love. I love him, I love him, I love him more than I know. This week he’s learned to laugh, he’s learned to smile, he’s hitting little things on his activity gym. There was a big change this past week, definitely. An awakening. He is awake nearly all day and so alert. His sleeping has settled in and there is almost a hint of predictability within his schedule. It’s getting easier. It’s getting easier. It’s getting sweeter and I am getting to know how to soothe him better and better. He is wonderful. It is wonderful. Being a mom is wonderful. I am learning how to stay up later and later now too. How to watch TV again and how to walk with him in slings. We are always discovering, always figuring it out, always falling in love, always finding a way. Always finding a way. Always falling in love. Always falling in love. 

5 Weeks Old

5 weeks old and here he goes laughing. Coo-ing with a goo and a gaa and smiling the most heartfelt smiles I have ever seen in my life. He sleeps easier and longer throughout the night- up to 2 or 3 hours or so. He was 11 pounds 7 ounces on Wednesday and he is growing so fast and so free. 3 pounds in 3 weeks. He grew 1.25 inches since birth and my oh my is he a beautiful guy. He is marvelous, he is love, he is freedom and he is joy. He is life, he is life, he is love. 

One Month Old

It’s amazing. It is truly, truly amazing. And full of so much love. And so much light. And so much pain and discomfort and uncomfortability. And beauty and intrigue and magic. And profound, profound colors within his eyes. And songs in his mumbles. And poetry in his skin. And sweetness that drips off his heart. And he’s getting bigger and more and more beautiful everyday. And he fits into his diapers now and he is starting to sleep longer stretches and he is starting to burp by himself.

I pray for his magnificent soul. That I might never forget the glory of these beautiful moments. That I will always be grateful for the way his eyes light up and the way his love seems to pour through his mouth. 

I adore his tiny movements, his passionate outcries, the swell of his tongue within his mouth, his gurgles, grunts and squeals. The earth shattering crack of his cry when it hits full volume (which is so, so very rare). I love watching him grow and transform held in my little arms…his little arms entwined in mine. I love watching him sleep, feeling him breathe, letting him nurse and nurse and suck from the world all that he needs. I love breastfeeding him. I love being with him in all his moods- high and low and deep and soft and gurgling. 
I love the light that filters in through our window in the morning and the effortless love that billows through our hearts. I love myself because of the way that I love you. And that is all there is. And this is all that matters. And this is what I was born to do. And this is love, and this is real, and this is life. 

Well there’s love. And that’s about all that matters. It’s amazing. Soft and delicate and infinite. He’s 15 days old and he is splendid. He is splendid. He is wonder and awe and I can’t believe what I see in the blues of his eyes. I can’t even believe it. He’s incredible and agile and strong and bright. i’m in love. And boy, when he looks straight into my eyes…I feel like I can see everything in the universe all at once and all at last. Here we go, little boy, here we go. Let’s discover the world together.