This morning I am golden and dew dropped. Waiting again for the world to drop. For my life to change. Waiting for you, little one. Waiting and knowing nothing and believing everything and somehow feeling that everything is going to be alright. I am trying to tread this infinite line of faith at every moment. That at any moment the ball could drop and I would be needed. 125% of me would be needed and more of me would be needed than I ever thought possible. So I am trying to balance somewhere between calm and peace and sustained ferocity. I am trying and I am trying to keep my head above the heat and keep busy from toe to toe with projects that are meaningful and important. I am trying to find the time to get everything possible done that could ever possibly be done but I know that is futile work and I know that my life is not ending…it just feels as though I am about to jump off of a cliff and I won’t reach the bottom for 25 years or so. I am always hoping we’ll have enough for you, little one…enough money, enough love, enough faith…but apart from the first of those- I believe whole heartedly that we will. I know I won’t be perfect…but it will be perfect…our life together…just the way it is. Whatever way it is. I will walk through it with faith. I will love you with the deepest part of myself and I will find a way to always bring my best self to you. My life is a prayer for you and I finally understand the grace and meaning of service and giving. What it means to let go of yourself. And this is the most meaningful and important thing I have ever done. And I am so grateful for it. And I am so, so grateful for it. And I can’t wait to meet you. And I can’t wait to meet you. You are everything.  

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