Still waiting for you baby. Still in love with you baby. Still grateful for every single day…every single moment I get to spend with you. I got to spend 20 minutes listening to your solid, beautiful, strong heartbeat. A little gift for being 6 days over due. Now it’s past midnight and I am officially a week over due with you. I have to believe deep in my core that you are coming and that you are coming naturally and sweetly in your own time because I can’t bear the thought of being induced. Please come Jamie, please come. I’m feeling pains right now as I write but I’m not sure what they are. I’m never sure what they are and I’ve been feeling them every single day for the past 3 weeks to no avail…so I try not to make anything much of anything until it is as they say: “I will know”. I don’t know much these days and I am trying to keep myself in that open place. It seems healthiest and the best place to reach out and receive the grace of the world. Staying open, staying humble, staying small. This is all amount bowing to some wild and great mystery that I do not even understand how I do not even begin to understand. It is so much bigger than me and you and it is following a timeline that I cannot even begin to foresee. I am part and parcel of a great universe of joy and mystery and mayhem. And you are a part of it. And you are it. And you are a piece of the peace of the peace that becomes you. And you are somehow always so much wiser than I am. And I am so grateful and so blessed that I get to sit and feel a sacred life within me. Someone who is in the dreaming…constantly dreaming within me. Someone between worlds and full of light. Life is bliss, life is magic, life is wonder and I cannot wait for you to see it. I cannot wait for you to experience this world that I love so much. I want to share everything with you, for you. Always with love and always with an open heart. I promise the world to you. And grace, and effort and faith. Faith most of all. Hope and wonder. That is all I can ask for your life. I’m ready. I hope you’re ready. I hope your heart is still strong and continues to beat the way it was this morning because it was the most beautiful sound in the world…and because it was full of so much hope. So much life. So much strength. And so much magic. And so much magic. And most of all- love.
I love you, I can’t wait to meet you. To hold you, to give you everything I can…and to let your heart unfurl into this wild and wonderful world we are a part of. Here’s to you, little big one.