And then there’s all those wonderful what ifs. And all the anxious faith. And then I’m just throwing my life out on the line once again. And I’m not even wholly healed…how do you do it…how do you ever truly trust? Somehow this connection between being able to see, and being able to let go. Being able to analyze and being able to swallow magic. I have to enter this situation with honesty, trust and an open heart…and that is ALL I can do. And then I throw two hearts back into the fire and see what the universe churns out.
Why is this this place of pride this “moving past” something…as if there are just these things we’re supposed to do and be able to do and that is somehow indicative of how strong our hearts are…no that’s a great sorrow…to lose a love like that. I never want to lose any of my loves, they are bright lights within me. My heart is strong because it holds dear the things that have soared through it.
Fuck this confusing ball of matter. Loss is what’s keeping us alive. Maybe I’ll lose everything this summer. Maybe I’m making a terrible decision…the only way I can allow this summer to happen is if I am open enough to get to the place where it’s OK that I am fucking terrified and have NO idea what the “truth” is or what is “right”…we’re just young and in love and throwing our fears into the hands of the universe. Fucking be love. Nothing will ever be the same. Let it LIVE. Let it breathe. Let it be WRONG.
My only hope this summer is to be honest.
And to fucking dive AGAIN into the deep whispering cave of love that leads my life. Fearless.
What could possibly go wrong?