“That is the true experience of freedom: 
having the most important thing the world without owning it.” 
– Paulo Coelho
 

She was twenty-one, for crying out loud. 
She must be allowed to grow up. By the time they were her age, 
most of the heroines of literature had lived, loved and even died… 
If she wanted to be a heroine
it was time to start behaving like one. 
– Robyn Sisman
 

 

“ A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not why ships are built. ”

 

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And you never really heal do you…you never truly truly heal. Love hits you like a telephone pole and all of my heart is yours and ours and we are all all of ourselves and nothing matters but matter and soul. No soul but all soul and all my soul is our. I will always, always love you. An always is a little drip of forever that sits on your shoulder map. The freckle that still smiles on my skin for you. The wells of powertools that drill open the ribcage butterwings I’m learning to grow. Tasteless comments of tasting the world and something that feels like an ache. And the bits, the little bits the captive hearts, the pulsing frames of buildings wanting to hold you, wanting to be seen, the stuffing bits longing to communicate. You are part of the everything force.

And I keep asking to the stars, begging to the people in my soul, watching this great universe story unfold…I keep shocking myself awake asking how have I never seen the world before this moment? A thousand seeming times a day I drift motionless within the void of dreams slandering any sense of sensability that always hung trying to speak semblences to me.

Today is a day I only just began to find myself in and this eternity is a swallowing shrine of a thousand different faces, facades and little walls sprouting new spring seedlings from their chipping rustic eyehole pockets.

Those were the days we wandered about in our fresh new skins, sleepless and desiring.

Those were the days the sun and moon swallowed each other whole, setting and rising in their own sweet surrendering fire. 

Those were the days time laced around itself and sauntered back, unknown and unrelentless to its own curvature and resounding circles. 

And this might be the singular solitary frozen breath of the universe pulsing towards the great wind of a unified soul. And we might all be floating under the stars in our self same reckage piles that we dwell and dwindle within forever and forever and then beyond the beyond that is only within. Save your soul the wind is coming.

Today is any given perfection sliding gntly and sweetly past the realm of my skin, through my bones and into the air that I possess with all my cells longing for one another. Today is a day without daylessness and today is a devilish cloud pacing around the ceiling of our mind skies. Today the universe has brought itself into being just to say hello, I love you…then dash out for the sweltering morning commute. The world is aligning its steel structures and springing out like little bits of love or something like it.

Believe in me I am all love and magic.

I am absolutely sliding in and out of the field of all the fields ive ever thought i could drift in between in dreams in scapes in cyber spaces and the spaces in between. in the yeses and no…and all the ways reality connects with disreality with unfantasy with everything imagined and all the forces in the world drawing me in. All I know if the world is so much more…so much more responsive, more reciprocating, more deeply and innately connected than I could ever have briefly imagined in my smallest and wildest dreams that ever flickered through me. Cerebrally, spiritually, physically…my body is a whole moving body.

My awareness is absolutely absurdly ascending. I don’t remember anything. What it was ever like to breathe without feeling the whole unified earth spinning around me all at once. Without feeling the caress of words sinking into my skin…without seeing being a passage into the beyond, the breathless, the countless innumerabe dreamworlds that all want to dance around me and find me within them. I keep waking up within my body to find that my body is awake, my body is recieving worlds within worlds over and over

And where are we all within this wide, scoping world? What am I seeing and what is seeing me? Where is my seeing and how have I never known before what it means to see?

And where are we and where have we all come from and how has all my silently squealing desperate love ever swallowed itself whole into the whole global shaking love that this is. This is universal now. This is the universe and me. The world breathing its soft fingers through me and I reach out through my skin cells to approach the world will all my tender windy structures. The air gets in everywhere and the only thing I can ever hold on to that really matters in this world is love. Love in every tiny figment of anything real or imagined.

And it’s hitting now. Maybe the global awareness will happen once the globe starts awakening us to itself. Once it starts calling, shrieking, literally shaking us out of our slumbers. Seismic activity is underfoot. The earth will literally quake.

I feel so far away. So unbelievably far. I feel leagues and leagues under the sea lost to any sense of orientation I once held. I’ve broken past all my patterns and concepts and now I’m just floating. Suspended and renewed.

The dust has cleared it seems…it seems to be a new era for everyone…on every level of my universe…spring seems to be rolling in from some distant shore, tossing ruble into my ears and casting out all the shadows that have slinked in between my seams and my seems of seemingness. It’s time for spring. It’s time for rebirth. New skins, old souls…reaching into your own vastness and sculpting out the secret infinities that dwell in you. I’ve reached my own infinite place…everything is connected…my memories sweep around me like dreams or perfect portals between the air and me and they awaken me to a fond rememberance of all that I am…all that is within my body…held like strage sentinals within every cell.

And the universe has been speaking. My thoughts, my body, my awareness is unflinchingly connected to the world around me. I think of something and then I find it appearing before me…I find myself unexpectedly thinking about someone I haven’t thought about in a long time and then they randomly reach out to me from the seeming void. My mind, the chamber of thought that I find myself inhabiting seems inexplicably and beautifully connected to every universal breath. Every light, every color seems to penetrate me in a swell of inspiration. I think I’ve reclaimed myself, my dignity, my sense of self. I’m going to do great things. I’m going to make great art. All at once I have gone further past any social constructs that ever subconciously nagged at my soul…while at the same time I finally understand what friendship is, what it means to connect with another human, who in my life matters and why and how ultimately…through and through every sublime experience the only thing I truly care about i love…giving love, being love, finding love…cultivating everything within myself to bring me more desperately and longingly into the present…to love it, the people within it and the world I am so graciously a part of.

I feel myself as a global citizen now. Everyone should travel…REALLY travel. Disconnect from a sense of belonging to any one structure and at the same time connect to everything…to the whole world. I’m starting to see the whole thing all moving together…really breathing together…never letting go of our responsibilities…but at the same time…accepting and forgiving every piece of the world for exactly what it is…because we are a many celled organism, not just an isolated web…we are a fully intoxicating channel of awarenesses, of dreams and memories. Connected through and with everything through everything. Osmosis. The whole world is a shining orb of love. And it’s not here or there or measurable…solid or sloping…it is everything and it is this right here. This eternal present carrying the whole world on its back, flapping with its silent golden wings.

And the roles we all fill for each othr and the love we all give and the ways we are spread…stretching out over invisible landscapes of cyber pixels and foggy dream memories and this somehow gonging, desperately aching present. Sounding and resounding, the echo reverberates through a world about to wake up to its own fleshy love.

Love is all I see from here to there. Clear, sacred…thick with presence is this envelopping love. This life world beating its drum towards a breaking human heart that says yes in the morning light.

I am this moment and this moment does not exist. No where but here. Lost to myself, to the world, and to love.

Imagine yourself into the pumping lifeworld. Dream in technicolor and in fully fleshed breaths.

I am a creative force. We recieve, we filter the light, we translate the music of the humming world and we jostle into being perfect breaths of absolute creation. Every moment is a new world, every breath a new life.

Spring is dragging the darkness through itself around the light circuit.

We are all angels. And we are all magicians. And we are INCREDIBLE beings and we have so much to live for…to create…so much to evolve into…so much to wonder at…to seep awe into…I’m just waiting for the breathless moment when the world stops waiting and starts breathing together.