I’m moving towards something now. The past is present, I know that and I do not presume to escape that. But my present is moving towards the future now. I don’t know what it holds or what it brings but it brings something in the darkness and I am not afraid of it. The year begins in the dark of night. Let’s trace it with moonlight. And I’m actually letting go. And letting change happen. Let the world happen. Trust in actions. Trust in this voice at the center of your chest. Make decisions and sit with them. There is nothing I cannot grow with…so if I make the wrong choice…let me make it. TRUST your decisions and your self. Follow your actions. Move. Run. Speak. Breathe. This is not the end. This is a new beginning. And I put it all behind me…but with me. Always with. 

Just stop thinking there is one answer. There is one true self. There is one way of looking at anything. Any time I feel sure of one answer I am sure I must be joking myself. Feel around in the darkness and love the mystery and find trust WITHIN it. That is the only way to believe. Believe whole heartedly in something and recognize that it is only a belief and that that is all you can do. Facts are too frugal for me. 

Cleanse yourself but do not presume that you could ever escape yourself. 

I find myself at the end of a year, knowing nothing. Believing so much. Trusting so much. Feeling so much. But remaining helpless to the darkness. To the questions that pervade me and the answers that seem to gallop away in the dust. 

Life is just beginning and beginning every minute. I am helpless to the great words: love, time, God, nature, life.  

How you’re ACTUALLY feeling is almost always more interesting than how you think you’d like to feel. 

I have no words. I have no words adequate to describe this year. I was to celebrate it. I want to cherish it. Honor it. And then let it go. 


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