I am so ashamed at what we have done to this land. On this holiday in particular, of course I turn to the earth. To our natives and to my ancestors…and I feel shame. I am not to blame, of course…but there is such great confusion in the truth of it. My heart ACHES for how far we’ve gone wrong in this country.   

What is the concept of the one and what does it even mean? What scares me more than anything else…is not the change…but at how SURE I was of everything at any point that I now cannot find a single foot hold within. How can I be sure of anything…it is such a trap of a silly egoist.  

Is it all unsalvageable? Is it all lost for good? I suppose that’s what I struggle with. You I mean. Is is really that far gone?

Change seems to kneel next to you and beckon you forwards. It makes sense…this need to evolve. It’s what we were born out of. The opposable thumb. And we all have this incessant need to spin forward. Of course it makes sense…but it is always rolling at such a pace I don’t know if we can even see the ground.

Did I evolve from my own need to exist? Did I apply for this life or did I force myself out the ground and into the sun out of some deep desire to feel the wind? 

Could I have ever lived a normal life? I highly doubt it.

Did you know that I am magic?

There’s such a bit of pretention in my own solidification in my faith that I almost resent.

Let me play the game, it’s fun and its all I have.

We see each other in our states of mind and being. We see our souls and they are made of nothing solid. I see you in where you are and where I am in abstract places of being and seeing. 

We come at the world from so many angles and diversions. Spiderwebs within spiderwebs. 

What matters, perhaps…is only our actions…they might be our only show of truth. Our mind is a messy bit of matter. 

Let me check my reality and find it wrong always. 

I am a writer of nonsense only and the occasional drop of nothingness. The essence surrounds me but never quote penetrates my mindflow. 

Writing almost disrupts the true flow. And nature is the only thing that holds reality.  

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