Love is a beast in the chest. 

And a stranger on the street today talked to me at great length and the things that he told me were thus:

1. Wander. It is the only way to live.

2. The greatest sin is to be ordinary. 

3. Live life without knowing what you’re looking for and you will find it. 

People keep finding me. Life keeps finding me. Golden and dripping with dew…summer sun just falling off the branches and flowing into my mouth- fresh air. 

The earth rumbles with light and bursts into existence….each day….anew.

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And then suddenly the most beautiful moments of your life become numbers and letters and pixels in folders…and where does it go? Somewhere, transmuted in your heart…whispers memories into the wind. Maybe that light can penetrate straight through the screen…back into my heart and awaken me over and over again.

This illusion that I am here and only here is mind-blowing. I look at these pictures and I am sure that I am everywhere. And perhaps somehow…that can only strengthen your presence here

You’re one with everything you are. 

Let me show you the golden light. Let me share it with you. I look at these pictures and I know where it sits. I know who I am. I am SO grateful for the most incredible adventure of my life. 

Nothing dies, nothing lives…everything is present. I don’t think I believe in time anymore.

 

LISTEN to what the world is saying and follow in. Be in tune with it. Alignment is happening all the time in chaos. Give the world back its magic…it is not yours to keep…but it is always within you…already there, waiting to be uncovered. The world moves in presence always. And everything exists all at the same time. 

There’s something in the wind. Sometimes I look up and I see the trees for the first time. REALLY seeing. REALLY hearing. That is what it’s all about. 

Let the wonder fill you up and know nothing. 

 

It’s not my story, it’s our story. 

And the truest sign of grace for me is when I am utterly confunded by the mystery of life. When nothing makes any sense and surely this universe is beyond my comprehension. That I could ever think my own moral struggles could be right or wrong. And then I surrender and only then is there honesty in the world. That my moments of great clarity might actually be the biggest delusions. That is an entirely freeing thought. Free…not of the muck…but IN the muck…muddy and alive.

 

“Above all, watch with glittering eyes 

the whole world around you

because the greatest secrets are in the most unlikely places. 

 
Those who don’t look for magic will never find it.” 

-Roald Dahl

 

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, 

who makes enormous demands on me, 

who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, 

who does not believe me naïve or innocent, 

who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

–Anais Nin

 

You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time;
all else is grandiose, romanticism, or politics

Time moves backwards and forwards.

I don’t understand anything about this universe and that is the most incredible, enlivening concept in the world. 

Giving back may mean giving back the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. I don’t know how or why but perhaps the doors of trust are not opened in your mind but in your heart. 

I wish I could see the sunset today. Sometimes I can’t remember anything. I want to try as hard as I can to live with as much love as I can. Love not from myself, for myself…but FOR others. Get out of my own little head and my perfectly crafted narrative. Love can fuck up the world. 

Go through the hard thoughts…welcome the doubt…it is the only way to be whole. And if you sit with your fears…tuck them away and let them ferment…one day you’ll find they have blossomed in the dark corners- stronger without light and surprising, constantly with immense wonder. Only with those doubts can you find a place of honesty. They come as blessings…warnings…directions in the dark. 

I’ve got such wonderlust. 

The trees really do know everything. And perhaps the greatest  love is the smallest love. And trust is hidden in the smallest corner of your heart. And the universe is constantly calling out to you…always, in every noise. 

I am happiest when I realize I know nothing. Taste the subtle flavors. 

“We have to ‘leave home’, in a sense, leave our comfortable ways of being, to find ourselves and our calling. We need to develop a passionate discontent, an anger that picks us up by the chest and shakes us by the neck and will not let us go. The Holy Spirit, you know, is not on the side of order and stability.”

-Marilyn Sewell, from my Unitarian Universalist welcome book

God is not separate. God is searching…spreading light…existing in every single thing. Between and around and in…transforming and moving like the sun over the horizon. Love is growing. 

Be open to doubt. Let THAT unfold you. The point where doubt and faith meet- that is truly a beautiful, divine place.

I feel it in the rain, in the spirits in bodies of water, in the clouds that stretch…so deeply and overwhelming powerful with grace in the sea, divine in wisdom in the trees…and mostly in the silent whisper of the wind. 

Two stories can exist at the same time…in fact, it seems…they must. 

That that much love could ever exist in the world, let alone in one being, let alone that I could feel it…that dreams such as that could come true…that I could actually SEE Paul McCartney and have him sing Hey Jude…I can literally believe that ANYTHING is possible. The Beatles changed the WORLD. Art can change the WORLD. Reality and dream world seemed to meet and we were there together and life had flowed through us and everyone was a part of the past and the present and the future all at once. That was the most real I’ve ever felt while at the same time the most out of body experience I’ve ever had. 

I will ALWAYS always remember this night…and I will ALWAYS carry this deepest love and magic with me…that is a gift that can never be taken away. 

That was GENUINELY the best night of my ENTIRE life. I have never in my life felt ANYTHING like that or imagined that it was possible to feel that much love. 

How could I ever be anything but beyond grateful for this unbelievable love and life. Nothing but life matters. And it flows in an unbelievable way.

This magic could create the world in a beam of light. 

 

I’ve spent the past few hours wandering in a daze trying to grasp anything…I spent the whole time there trying to wrap my head around the fact that that was him and I still couldn’t by the end. I don’t think I will ever be able to grasp that. When it was over I couldn’t move for a good 6 minutes straight…I couldn’t speak for a good 15 minutes after that…I still can’t breathe…I feel more emotionally exhausted than ever. I can’t even sleep right now but I’m so drained that I can’t even take in anything. I bawled through Here Today, The Long and Winding Road and Something, stared blankly and unmoving through Yesterday, Blackbird and Let It Be and screamed my lungs out during Hey Jude and felt the highest bliss, love and acceptance that I ever have. Nothing will EVER compare.  

Love NEVER dies. I don’t even know what to do with this feeling other than use it to inspire everything I do…believe deeper in the great well of hope…love wider…and devote myself to love, creation, art, and hope. And to fighting for peace, love and HOPE. Love is REAL. And I believe with something more profound and magical than I have ever imagined. Believe it. Trust in love.

 

And in the end…the love you take is equal to the love you make. 

“There seethed all around me a cauldron of lawless loves. I loved not yet, yet I loved to love, and out of a deep-seated want, I hated myself for wanting not. I sought what I might love, in love with loving, and I hated safety… To love then, and to be beloved, was sweet to me; but more, when I obtained to enjoy the person I loved. I defiled, therefore, the spring of friendship with the filth of concupiscence, and I beclouded its brightness with the hell of lustfulness.”

 

We ALL have such incredible hearts. And they are the most beautiful things in the whole universe. And love is the incredible sticky stuff between us…palpable air. 

Write write write. It’s incredible how quickly the flow stops when you don’t keep it up…how fast the world flows out of your fingers. 

Accept the mundane days as beautiful. 

Today I’ve got a buzzing in my head and a grumble in my stomach and I want so desperately to live in love. 

The thing about performance, even if it’s only an illusion,
is that it is a celebration of the fact that
we do contain within ourselves infinite possibilities.
–Sydney Smith

How I feel today is a glorious gift. These summer days are just gliding right through me like pure yellow light. I want to bathe in this suspension and learn how to live and love EVERYthing. And with consistent patience, I can watch myself move into new realms of bliss and it is intoxicating. I’ve had a taste of fire and I’m never going to get over it. 

“Where truth abideth in many guises” 

Piglet: How do you spell love?
Pooh: You don’t spell it, you feel it.
-Winnie The Pooh