I’m feeling SO many incredible things. Serious depression and uplifting joy…it’s overwhelming.
Who knows if I’m ready to begin again or not…but the only thing I can do is start and see what’s there. Trust the universe. And begin again.
And of course…the biggest changes are coming in coming home…in realizing just HOW much I’ve changed.
I’m not ever going to feel the same and I have to accept that, move on, and find a new life. It’s hard though, being surrounded by this old life…it would be much
Oh my god I have SO much crap I don’t need.
What surprises me most is how different my mom is from how I remember her.
I keep thinking, yes…it’s nice to have these things back…but I don’t need them…not only could I survive without them…but I was happier than I’ve ever been in my life without them.
Coming home and seeing the state of my home life may actually have pushed me over the edge…even farther.
REAL trust is going to come in just beginning all over again and living.
Be patient with yourself.
I don’t belong here anymore and that is WONDERFUL.
Wow. I really don’t need ANY of this.
And that feeling…this person that I am…can NEVER go away. Nothing in the world can crush this magic.
It’s starting to feel like a contained event…like that happened and now I’m back…but the reality of what I’m feeling is that that was real and that this is all this bizarre illusion. I no more belong here than I did there…I belong no where but to the earth.
This is a totally new life.
I never imagined that my old life would penetrate me so imposingly and threateningly. That I would have fight it. I can let it in and still be me. It’s about the faith and confidence you have in your own self. I believe.
I feel even more disconnected from the people in my life than I did in Australia.
It doesn’t matter what you’re doing as long as you’re living fully.
You have to find amazement in the small things. Take it one step at a time.
Finding that I am one whole person is a mind blowing thing.
How am I supposed to “get back into the swing of things”? There is no swing…I am a totally different person than the person that lived in this room. I feel like I’ve visiting my childhood’s room.
What will happen when I’m used to being home again? Will I still be that person? Yes. Yes. Of course I will. Always.
I’m getting more life. More emotions. More confusion. Bigger questions. Or maybe just more questions about less important things. I’m not sure. But who am I to judge?
And summer. Summer feels like a beautiful creature to fall back into. But even so…the memories are so…distant.