Things About Myself.

I’ve been making a lot of lists recently. I’m going to try to sort through them a little bit. Mostly all are written on scraps of paper here and there…so I’m trying to consolidate them all here. Some of my own dreaming. I’ve been writing a lot of scraps of paper when I’m without my journal…so this is all trying to put those little bits together.

I’m actually not a city person- they box me in- I want to run free in the open.
I want to go to Paris.
I want to travel the world desperately.
I don’t want to have to let go or give up my dreams in any way.
That might be one of my biggest fears.
I don’t want to dissolve. I never want to get too far from myself. And maybe that is somehow connected to God.
I want to strive and search for inspiration always.
The dots will always connect if you are patient enough.
I never want to get off this train. I never want this journey to end.
I do not want to have a normal life.
I want to join the peace corps. Or work on a farm, or save people.
This is purely selfish me time, so let it be that way.
I hate the suburbs. But they are part of me.
I love the Aussie lace architecture. I may want it in my house.
I want to give myself wholly to love and never look back.
I want money to evaporate.
I want strength always.
I do not want to forget this person that I am. I think it could be the worst thing i could do.
I want to really live before I settle down.
I don’t want to plan out my life, but I do want to dream.
I want a beautiful, woodland, natural, colorful house.
I want to live free and wild always.
I want to have a divine life.
I want to never be normal. Not in a rebellious way, I just want to have a fire. I don’t ever want to dry out. Never become dull. Why should I start now? I’ve changed now that I know you can lose yourself. So scary.
I want to be Kathryn Petersen. And Julia Ohm. And David Bush.
I will never give in. And how odd, I feel as if i always knew these things, but only truly for the first time now. Re-revelation.

THINGS I WANT IN MY DREAM HOUSE:

Hammocks
Tire swing
Aussie Lace
Natural woods and structures like in Belize…I can’t explain this one very well but I know what it looks like
Recycled bits of architecture and furniture
Cherry blossom tree
Big porch
Painted ALL sorts of colors all over…and inside…murals and paintings all onto the actual walls
Porch swing
Lanterns and fairy lights
Open space, large windows, like on Battle Rd.
A cozy attic
Turrets
Water- a lake, a river, the sea
Or a forest, or both.

That list probably came about from walking around to 60 houses a day selling solar panels- really made me excited to own a house of my own.

And finally, something I saw written on a street wall with a sharpie:

“Life is not complex, it is a simple choice between fear and love.”

This journey, for me, is about fearlessness.

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