Today was the very first time in my entire life that Hun no longer felt like home. Where I felt as if I didn’t belong. It was terrifying…and freeing…and heartbreaking. I’m surrounded by so much longing and so much loss…I ache for those days back. But worst of all…watching Macbeth…they all looked SO young. It seemed SO juvenile. There was suddenly a context for all the passion I poured onto that HIGH SCHOOL stage. Nothing more than high school theatre. But boy it was everything for me. But today…no one knew me. I felt old…in another era. From another life. And now I feel drifting…like I don’t belong to any memory and I have no present to hold on to. I’m holding on to my memories of high school theatre…of a faded relationship with Peter…and I have nothing to call my own anymore. Not even my house belongs to me. I am finally a no man. I suppose that’s the only place you have to start over…to become someone. But I miss. And I ache. And I long. And I really had a home.
Time is moving awfully fast. Far too fast.
“There is so much more to love than black and white.”