Lifetimes go by in moments. And my heart aches to be able to speak the truth. To know the truth. To accept it. And perhaps to have him feel the same. Even though I know he does. That’s the worst part. That’s why it hurts. I’m unbelievably good at convincing myself of things. Maybe that will make me a good actress. And a trainwreck of a lover.
Arcadia so easily turns into a black hole. I lose myself here SO easily. I could have been here for years for all I know. It’s home. A spent a year here in a romantic reverie. Creating new memories is painful, refreshing, beautiful, eerie and absolutely incredible.
But every turn this relationship has taken me has felt…ultimately…moved by a force with an intention and a good heart. Everything…in some way or another…has been for the best. So once again…I must have faith. Continue. Forge on. I thought I had made it to the other side…but oh no…the roller coaster is just beginning…but I have this feeling…that if I let myself actually let go and ride…it might be the most worthwhile journey I’ve ever had. I just have to commit. It’s all about commiting. And letting go. And I learn SO much from him in the most round about way. I truly and honestly and genuinely love him. True love. If ever it was…it would be this. Love is complicated. Love is simple. Love is everything. Love is chaos. And love is everything that remains divine. God is love.
I’m never going to give up on love. And that, I think…is what gives my life some purpose. I have an ultimately unbreakable heart. Thank you God, for blessing me in such a divine and meaningful way. It’s a beautiful curse.
Paradoxes create the world. And to live without that concept confuses the soul.
Faith is forever. Love is eternal.
And everything is going to be okay.