I’m starting to feel the pull. I’m starting to stand on the edge. And I’m starting to miss you every second I’m not with you.
I wish it was easier.
Death is EVERYWHERE this year. Seeping in at every corner…does it always move this quickly?
Is it possible for our love to be this genuine without him realizing it? Is it possible for your soul mate to push love away? Maybe that’s how the world works. Choices inside fate.
And can our kind of love ever last?
I wish I didn’t want desperately to know the answers.
Lifetimes go by in moments. And my heart aches to be able to speak the truth. To know the truth. To accept it. And perhaps to have him feel the same. Even though I know he does. That’s the worst part. That’s why it hurts. I’m unbelievably good at convincing myself of things. Maybe that will make me a good actress. And a trainwreck of a lover.
Arcadia so easily turns into a black hole. I lose myself here SO easily. I could have been here for years for all I know. It’s home. A spent a year here in a romantic reverie. Creating new memories is painful, refreshing, beautiful, eerie and absolutely incredible.
But every turn this relationship has taken me has felt…ultimately…moved by a force with an intention and a good heart. Everything…in some way or another…has been for the best. So once again…I must have faith. Continue. Forge on. I thought I had made it to the other side…but oh no…the roller coaster is just beginning…but I have this feeling…that if I let myself actually let go and ride…it might be the most worthwhile journey I’ve ever had. I just have to commit. It’s all about commiting. And letting go. And I learn SO much from him in the most round about way. I truly and honestly and genuinely love him. True love. If ever it was…it would be this. Love is complicated. Love is simple. Love is everything. Love is chaos. And love is everything that remains divine. God is love.
I’m never going to give up on love. And that, I think…is what gives my life some purpose. I have an ultimately unbreakable heart. Thank you God, for blessing me in such a divine and meaningful way. It’s a beautiful curse.
Paradoxes create the world. And to live without that concept confuses the soul.
Faith is forever. Love is eternal.
And everything is going to be okay.
This is going to be a very. very. good year. I can feel it already. I’m sitting in my bed ready to sleep in it for the first time…first day of classes tomorrow. And all I can feel is hope, bliss and love. I love Arcadia. So much. Even without the magic of the castle…night air at Arcadia seems so much sweeter and the magic seems so much more real. Everywhere is joy so far.