He is history.

And I am present.

And there is a constant ebb and flow of time.

But this time, it’s time for me.

I feel 15 again…connected once again to this whole reality of my context…my reality…my history…my past…that’s so important…and so abstract…its entirely unconnected to anything real…and yet…it is my entire contextual meaning…and all at once all that seems to be this thread within everything is some reaching towards divinity…some connection to something higher that I’ve lost…that has sent me so spinning into nonsense…even in the darkness of my youth…I had some abstract connection to myself…this days I’ve been so disconnected…because I was so connected to Peter…and he was so connected to NOTHING. He held so tightly to nothingness that I lost my own light. And NOW it’s time for me again. To break through those walls once again and reach that same self that I left crying in 111 Mercer Street. I need to find myself again. And again. And again. And that’s this journey that keeps going and going…with maturity…and steps forward…the universe only spins forward…but at the same time…we continually reach back to this same well of divinity that is not anywhere but within us…always reaching in and out in one fluid motion. In some way that only dancing and art can express. Everything else tries to explain the world…art just tries to admire the beauty of the complex web. The ebb and flow and the connected balance. The yin and yang that is inherently mortal.

Ah yes. And there’s that wall I see behind me in ruins. Here is time for spinning forward.

The universe only spins forward.

For me.

It’s about fighting fear. And connecting.

It’s about chasing that magic at the heart of the universe.


This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

-Matthew West-


One thought on “

  1. oh my gosh…..that song lauren!!! that. song.my love, we are journeying together. this post literally put tears in my eyesheres to NOT going through the motions. eff the motions, and forget settling for the nothingness most people accept and live in3000 miles never felt so closei love you, wholeheartedly and in the most beautiful way

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