My stomach is in knots every time she calls. Every time I hear her name. See her face. I know its not okay…deep in my gut I know it’s not okay but I let it slide. And I feel good until she creeps back up. She always creeps up…she’s always there. Or I don’t let it slide and I lose him. What’s better? Giving him up or letting the pain seep through the creases. I shouldn’t even be mad at her…it’s not even her fault. It’s his fault. It’s so his fault. And I won’t let myself accept the truth of the reality because I want so badly for him to be who I want him to be. Is that so bad? What am I supposed to do?

Fuck him. Fuck Grace. Fuck them. I can’t stand this.

What kind of a fucked up position have you put me in Peter? And how do you expect me to respond?

It’s a dead end.

I don’t understand how I’m supposed to let go of this feeling. I never thought I was a jealous person but I am so jealous all the time.

I hate him for doing this to me.


One thought on “

  1. dumb boys…dont allow anything to compromise your propensity to being whole. does that make sense? just make sure nothing is taking more than giving…keep lauren in mind, put her first sometimes….theres a time to give, a time to be selfish. theres a time to be quiet and a time to shout and scream…a time to be content, and a time to expect more, go after more.
     i was going to say happy instead of “whole”, but i think happiness is….so cliche and blah. whole, thats the new happy, ha.
    i love you

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