FUCKING OPENING NIGHT.
FUCKING OPENING NIGHT.
Maybe I change, but my heart does not. My heart is untameable. I have to find ways to cope with that. Not avoid it. Accept it.
My heart is in knots right now and I fucking hate this feeling. This love is like a sickness. And it seems to be the only kind of ever felt. The kind that gnaws at your arteries and spits out of sides and reaches out with a thousand hands through your skin screaming “Love me.”
I want to be loved more than I want to love. That’s human. And I’m fairly sure that’s truth.
And another truth.
I’m always left alone. Sitting on a park bench. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Always fucking waiting.
Well maybe no one fucking coming.
Maybe I need to get up and move.
Fuck my heart.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
That was THE most amazing experience of my life.
Into the Wild was fucking mind blowing. I’m numb. I have no words.
I FEEL SOOOOO FUCKING INCREDIBLE.
I think alot of it has to do with absence of fear. Not being afraid to say this is me. Take it or leave it.
And I remember the meaning of true love.
Walking home from the dinky today…from Mia and Kiala…I started crying…out of pure joy. Just pure emotion. Sadness that they were gone…but also just so blessed. I feel truly and wholly thankful…to God…and to them…for allowing this light in my life. And it’s really not in my head…we really have true love.
There was a moment last night where I woke up late at night and turned to my right and saw Mia’s face and turned to my left and saw Kiala’s face…and I thought to myself…these are two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. Heart, soul and body. Just beautiful. I am so lucky.
I think I am one of the luckiest girls alive. To have found true love.
And all I can see is beauty. I am alive again. And I remember the meaning of true love.
There was a moment last night where Mia was running her hands through my hair and I just honestly could feel our souls…Mia’s and Kiala’s and mine…and I just knew. We’re connected. Soul sisters. And we were destined to meet. They are my light. And I could feel their hearts. And our hearts beating as one. And it’s the most beautiful thing I could ever ask for.
I’m not sad that they’re gone…I’m blissful that they were ever here to begin with.
Holy shit. Finally.
There is no fear now.
I am free.
I am bisexual.
And there. The truth. So simple.
I feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
I’d forgotten what pure bliss felt like.
My heart is full.
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE.
And now the strength is in walking forward, not in standing up. You’re either standing still or you’re moving.
Now I’m moving.
It’s the moment where the impulse gets sent to the body and you act.