I am never ever going to find the time to write about all of this. Ever.
Real quick. french nothing. schenk was nice to me. physics pop quiz. ew. free i dont really remember. studied for english. then monday morning assembly. then ran up to lunch. then video sat outside with natalie and mike and worked on movie. english test. math did nothing. scene worked on scenes. it was just me and bobby and he was actually really adorable and like nervous. and then last period i wandered around. then rehearsal. was just absolutely amazing. i dont know. i just really really soaked it up. my last fuck around rehearsal. maybe ever. bobby’s elbow like broke and he went to the doctor. so…he didnt ask me…but…yeah. rehearsal was fabulous. this is all i have. then went up to dinner with themness. then talked to elisa on the phone in the lovely sunshine for a while. i so wish i had went with elisa and lucy today…but…honestly…rehearsal was worth it. i know that’s retarded…but it was. then i took a nice long walk around campus. thought about things. and then i went to the theatre. my sanctuary. and sat at bogie’s desk and thought for a long while. and then started to write my bio…and just broke down. it was so incredibly sad. writing my last bio with these kids. and i wrote all this stuff in it about how they had changed my life and such…and just thinking about it all. it’s just too much for me. i just cried and cried and cried. and solomon came in to paint and actually for a while he didnt even notice i was crying. and he was painting and had his headphones on and sang all of those you’ve known to me without even really being aware of it. and i just listened to him sing that i cried and cried. i used up nearly a whole box of tissues. then finally solomon noticed i was crying and of course that just makes you cry more. it was terribly terribly sad. i didn’t get home until 8:30 or so and when i did i just couldn’t stop crying for hours. i would just burst into tears at any given moment. it was sad. and painful. but that’s life. this is oging to be so so so fucking hard. but what can you do? and yeah. that was my beautiful day. April 30.
I feel like I keep saying the same things over and over…but really…what can I do? Just live. Live it. Stop thinking. Let go. And live your last moments with every breath in your body. Breathe in beauty.
Eternally grateful. Words will never be able to encompass my love, gratitude, and amazement. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. It was magic. Beauty.
I don’t know what to say really. The last day of April. I actually lived it to the fullest. And there’s no way to look back now. April was a beautiful month. A fucking incredible, beautiful month. Filled with so many beautiful moments with those kids…laughing, sleeping, performing, rehearsing, embracing…just living together.
It started at Logan’s house. Then sleeping over Katie’s. Then there was Whitt’s birthday at Hooters. Easter. An incredible flood. Getting a cup of sugar from strangers. Cabaret night. Turf party. Founder’s fest. Talent show. Logan’s house. Night with Bobby. Melissa’s sweet 16. A day in NYC. Painting the theatre to all hours of the night. Crimes of the Heart. Sleeping over Lucy’s. Communiversity. Sleeping in the theatre. Auditioning for Spring Awakening. What a month. With Caesar rehearsals, Crimes rehearsals and wonderful Hun dinners sprinkled all about.
And that was it. That was my April 2007. And yes. It was even more amazing then I could have ever imagined. Really. All I could ask for and more. A dream realized. And so so so worth it. I have no regrets. Only fond beautiful memories.
And a month.
And now begins the beginning of the end. Embrace it. It’s all you have. Here. Now. Breathe.
A month now. What am I going to do? I’m going to bask in sweet spring sunshine. I’m going to check in in advanced scene everyday. I’m going to live and love every single blessed day and minute and moment that I get to share and experience. This is it. This is my junior year. This is May.
Goodbye to April. The most incredible month of my life thus far. Thank you. Thank you is all I can say right now.
Here’s to May 1st. A month from Graduation. What do I do? I live. The universe only spins forward.
Now go out and live the life you were born to live.
Best year of my entire life. Blackbird flew.