“There’s alot of people that I want to get to know better. That I want to get close with. Some of them are in this room.”

I’m intoxicated and on a high. Sigh. What a good night. I love just talking to him. It feels like a vacuous hole…we could just talk forever. Or more…I could just look into his eyes forever. Sigh sigh.

I hope I’m not falling…I hope I’m flying.

Today was shnice. Let’s see. FREAKING SPRING AWAKENING ON MTV!! Sooo cool and lovely. It was on at 7:50 and 8:50…I saw both. Yes that does mean that I was incredibly late to school. Hah. Seeing SA on MTV is worth it. Watch it here:


Anyway. then adv scene was angels. SHLOVELY. then free…i actually did work. weird. then activities lunch…ate with like steph and rob and brian and sam and thatness. weird people. video was nice. i really wish our video class would be how…i imagined it. sigh. then english…p is a crackwhore. math…hah i have no idea or recollection. i doodled on my hand. then french boring. physics quiz…that was nice.

after school…theatred around. duh. then rehearsal was fun again. it’s been a good week for mattress. we ran opening for a princess and the finale. baker and i have fun. oh and we did spanish panic…which is quite enjoyable. bobby was like deathly dying and i felt so bad. like he kept leaving and throwing up and then coming back and getting back on stage. and im like wtf. i was yelling at him to go lie down…and he would for like 2 seconds and then get back on the stage. the boy is nuts. ok so seriously bobby is throwing up all over the place and not complaining at all…and chrsitina is like fucking crying with her “head cold”…jesus christ sometimes i want to strangle her. like she was ACTUALLY fake coughing and i really wanted to slap her. she asked me to feel her forehead and tell her if she had a fever and i was like NO you’re completely fine. hah. that shut her up for a few minutes.

then the last hour he had just the principles and understudies do weird hardcore exercises together. which i actually really love. so enjoyable. we did alot of weird walking around…i love feeling the energy from all of them. and then we had to do this thing where we had to identify what we thought was the most beautiful person on stage and then just like STARE at that person for like 20 mintues straight…it was actually pretty awkward…but still really awesome. but of course it had to be in character…so i stared at salazar…but i think whitt and soloman were staring at me. anyway…the whole thing was pretty awesome in a way i cant really describe at all.

after rehearsal he like picked me up in that weird wrestling way and like flew me around his shoulders and all this crap and then layed me onthe ground and was like ontop of me. well it was pretty hot. that’s my story. awkward moments when we touch…

thennnn there was like 2 hours of me and him alone in the theatre…talking. i mean like seriously talking. as he put it “having a heart to heart.” it was the first time we’d really talked like that. it was awesome. and refreshing. and interesting. we just kind of sat there facing each other and just spilled random inner sorrow and stuff. he told me all about his life. and i told him all about my dad and such. it was funny becuase he’s always going on and on and complaining about him “family life” and i never really say anything about mine. then i just sort of summarized what happened with me and you can just see his jaw drop and his face…boy. they never have any idea what to say. he  finally just said “you win” and said he felt dumb for ever complaining. i hate making people feel guilty. that’s why i dont talk about it alot.  but anyway…it was a fascinating absolutely awesome conversation. and i dont know how we got on the subject…but he was like “i’ve decided i’m not going to kiss anyone unless im in love with them” and i asked him why and he explained about “how he hurt so many people”…and suddenly got really really serious. and was like dead faced and he was like “i was a man whore.” hahahah it was funny just because he was SO seirous about it. and now im kinda freaked out…i dont really know what that means…but it’s probably not good? sometimes i can see him sexually…other times i REALLY cant…sometimes he’s SO his character. i dont know. i cant figure him out. and i loved that he was actually getting really intimate and interesting. saying that i was one of the most mysterious people he’s ever met and how there’s this huge wall with me that i put up for everyone. anyway. i really loved it. and i would have loved to sit there talking forever…but my mom just showed up…so i had to go. but really…there’s no words to explain how lovely it was. truly lovely.

February will fucking rock. I can so feel it. I will make it so.


So I read a bunch of SA interviews from various things…and these are just stuff I liked from different people…I shlove them all. Really.

Duncan Sheik:

“Of course, I want to continue making records and scoring films,” says Sheik, who did the latter, also with Sater, for Mayer’s A Home at the End of the World.
“But there’s this ineffable thing that happens in live theater, when
the scene and the music and the person onstage coalesce. There’s no
other genre or medium that can do that, really.”

John Gallagher:

“The other night, Rosie O’Donnell came to the show,” says Gallagher, a
native of Wilmington, Del. “She came backstage and her first words to
me were, ‘It’s “Rent” times a thousand.’

“If you’d told me when I was 14 and blaring the ‘Rent’ soundtrack in my
living room and pretending to be the characters that I would be
starring in a show that someone would refer to as going leaps and
bounds beyond that show that I loved, I would have thought you were

Lea Michele:

“I remember Lauren Pritchard [who plays Ilse,
“Spring’s” rebellious loner] came up to me, wide-eyed and dead serious,
saying to me, ‘What if we close? What if this doesn’t work out?’

“I looked at her afterward and said, ‘If every night you do what you just did, we’ll be fine.’ That’s really how I felt.”


And I love “Touch Me.” I think “Touch Me” is really stunning. The music and the harmonies are absolutely beautiful.

Absolutely. I mean, the whole creative team is almost strictly gay.
It’s cool. Even the lighting designer… but what’s wonderful is that
they’re gay, but they’re all so brilliant and creative. I mean, I’ve
always felt strongly about having a gay identity. You’re you, and
you’re gay, but you don’t have to be… gay, you know? You don’t have
to be just gay, like, ‘Hi, I’m Gideon and I’m gay.’ It’s, ‘Hi, I’m
Gideon, and I’m this and this, and yes, I’m gay.’ I think they are fine
examples of that. They’re special unique people, interesting,
intelligent, and they’re creating something which is very beautiful.
And they’re gay. But it’s a side fact. I think that’s what’s important.

Jonathan Groff:

“I can’t live without Central Park. Bethesda Fountain is the most spiritual place in the city.”

“The people that are in this show mean so much to me,” says Groff.
“We’ve really gone through so much together. We knew the show was going
to be special when we started; we spend every waking moment together.
And we share an even more special bond, because we get to watch each
other every night on stage.

“We’re just so vulnerable and open in this show, and everybody is
pouring their hearts out and so happy to be there. I’ve no doubt these
people are going to be in my life for a long time.”

Once again proving why Jonathan Groff is the love of my life.


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