Let’s see let’s see.
So it’s thanksgiving break. Fuck yeah.
Thursday night Tommy decided to tell me that he’s in love with this random girl. That sucked.
Friday was school. Lots of work. Then I sat in the video room for 2 hour editing. I just got in a zone and didn’t get up until it was compeltely finished. Then went to the GSA shiznit. Then was in the theatre tlaking to Jenn and Elisa and Bogie for a long time until mom finally picked me up. Then rushed straight to McCarter. Spacing rehearsal which was entirely worthless. Don’t feel like writing about it. Came home. Talked to Tommy online and was literally crying the entire time. I think I played the sims…
Saturday was nutcracker. Wow I completely forgot I performed. Weird. Yeah. It was alll day. Spacing. Tech. Dress. First show. I seriously started hyperventilating in the rat head and thought I was gonna die because it’s so damn hot on stage with all this fog and I can’t breathe or see in thehead. Not pleasing. But for the show it was on tight and that was more pleasing. I read all of No Exit and hung out with 9 year olds. I’m not sure if it was pleasing or not. Then I came home and beasted. And then talked to Tommy till 3 in the morning again. I talked to him on the phone for like 45 minutes. I hadn’t heard his voice in sooo long and…it was intense. I have no fucking idea what’s going on withthat. No fucking clue.
Sunday was like the greatest day of my life. Went to NYC. ORGASMED ALL OVA SOHO. Went to outdoor markets. Black people selling people on the side of the street. A jungle of black people. Buying a pipe and a flask in chinese store. The best mother fucking bubble tea I’ve ever had. A sketchy ass cheap shop. Sexy hats. Lots of random stores. Ricky’s. Good food. Sexy ass shit. And THEN SPRING AWAKENING. Greatest thing I’ve ever seen. I just can’t get over it. It’s like the first musical I’ve ever seen that completely stuck with me. I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t stop thinking aboutit. I can’t stop telling people about it. It’s amazing. It was completely electric. And only the more I think about it do I find the meaning in it. Emlyn and I are like so obsessed. And I don’t think I can wait until December 12th for the soundtrack to come out. I just can’t. Anyway so I was like completely in love with the main character. Not just the sexy rebel intellectual character…but the actor too. And so we went to the stagedoor and waited for him and he came out and he was soooo sweet. Not like not manly sweet…but like vulnerable and real and humble and SO FINE. And when I asked him for his autograph he stared into my eyes…stared into my SOUL man haha and was sooo fine. This was it:
Me: You were so amazing
Him: Aw, thank you. Is this your first time seeing the show?
And then I don’t remember the rest it all gets foggy. Actually the whole conversation is foggy. But he was SOO fine. Like it seirously made my life. Like I met my soulmate. I am GOING to marry that man.
I don’t know how I stayed calm and composed in that moment. I really don’t. Beucase the second we stopped talking…my mom like dragged me away…and I literally got weak in the knees and my vision went blurry and I started mumbling “I’m in love…I’m in love…I’m in love…” and then I was like screaming to go back…I was so upset for being dragged away I wanted to stand there in his presence forever. I wanted to follow him home. No joke. So then. No lie. No exaggeration. From the theatre ALL the way back to Penn Station..Allll the way down Time’s Square…Emlyn and I were in a total trance…SCREAMING SQUEALING…UGGHING…CRYING OVER THE BEAUTY OF JONATHAN GROFF. I don’t even know what people’s reactions were…we were just SCREAMING with pleasure. And desire. And love. This is what we looked like for about 20 minutes straight:
It was insane. Absolutely insane. Now THAT’S love. I just can’t get over it. I can’t.
I guess you could say we liked it.
And then we went home and googled it like insanity and watched interviews and there’s no fucking soundtrack out yet…not until DECEMBER 12th cuz it’s still in freaking previews…but there’s ONE song online with a music video that emlyn and I have been playing over and over and over again. IT’S THE BITCH OF LIVING. SO FINE. Then I dreamt all about my incredible lust for this man.
My life is complete. Nothing else matters.
Yeah. That’s my story. Then today I slept in until 3. Which was just as pleasing as anything else. Did nothing. Seriosuly nothing. Watched tv. Beasted with Emlyn. Had a REALLLY sketchy HeHe Sisterhood meeting. Smoked things. Burned things. Burned remnants of my past. Actually it was pretty cool. Watching this smolder and fall to ashes. It was cleansing. Then we orgasmed about Spring Awakening some more and watched some shit and ran around some shit and I dyed my hair a little and then watched degrassi and talked to people and now I should go to bed. AND WE WATCHED SOME CREEPY ASS EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN CONCERT AND CRIED.