dance like it's the end of the world

Mmmmmm. Interesting day. Bizarre. Everything seems like that lately. Really. Sugh. Our alarms didn’t really go off this morning so I got to health class like 20 minutes late. meh. then in advanced scene we did our tarantella and i felt so much better once i got it over with. it actually wasn’t all that bad…it was actually pretty good. but then we did improv which was soo sucky and i was awkward and retarded haha. and finally i was like groping katie baker. it was a little weird. then free i went and beasted with erica and then acitivities period was like having sex with connor bowman and it was ruddy fantastic. we’ve like totally lost it. leopard sex. video i relaly enjoy. editing is like so much fun for me becuase im deranged like that and so being able to do it as a class is divine. english is like WTF go kill urself. but highschool english classes have always pissed me off like this so it’s okay. math is blah. french is nice…physics was weird. we had a quiz. i got a 99 on my first test and the only thing i got wrong was leaiving one 0 out of sig figs it wasw crazy. thats so good. like awesome way to start off the year. definately a good choice to stay in that class. anyway that 99 like made my day. my schedule is tough. but it’ll get better soon enough.

after school was weird…i had to make up a test. rape connor bowman. and hug erica. then play practice. actually it was the first time i had ever been slightly annoyed or disappointed with boggie. he’s just like directed the ENTIRE show and “blocking” is like telling us exactly what to do. i dont know. maybe that’s normal but its just so bfjekj…gives us no room for our own acting and is just basically like read off this sheet of paper your lines and walk here. i dont know. it’ll be okay. no one is ohm. bah. hard to explain unless you’re a theatre person. anyway. then apparently it’s ms. ohm’s birthday on the 10th so omg it was so cute…all of us…all 14 of us crazy kids got up onto our little stage and put on like little hats and weird things and logan filmed like a birthday greeting to ms ohm that we’re going to send to her. i honestly almost cried. partly becuase it was so adorable. like all of us squished together like something from the brady bunch all singing happy birthday and waving at the camera and such and partly becuase it made me think of her…us without her…this theatre without her…made me think of what life could have been like with twomore years with her. i honestly dont know how diffrent things would have turned out. if i ever would have been able to branch out and grow or not. but i do know that i miss her. and everything is happening exactly as it should. and that was sincerly an adorable, picturesque moment. i just keep trying to hold onto these moments. my one last brilliant year with these kids. i love them all so much. oh sigh. anyway then each of us like got in frotn of the camera and said something to her like elisa was like “Hey look Ms. Ohm I grew!” and we all laughed. and everyone could feel each other so wholly…so in love with each other and so happy to have each other…but at the same time onthe verge of tears. anyway. then we turned on the ghostlight, said goodnight to the theatre ghosts and parted from that magical theatre.

i swear to god this is all the most magical experience of my life. nothing will ever be able to replace these memories.

then i ended up staying for dinner becuase my mom couldnt pick me up and it was cute. id dint really have anyone to sit with but afterwords mark and i were like running around the poe hall just like we used to. it felt so good. everything about these relationships feels so good. campbell passed by, we smiled at each other, nothing more. this is like the other side of the fence. no one ever tells the story of what happens after the dust settles. but it’s a miraculous feeling coming full circle. no. nothing will ever be the same. but they shouldnt be. and it makes them even more special that we can have these complex, fucked up relatiosnhips and make it through alive and still laugh. laugh with each other. humanity is heartbreakingly beautiful.

came home. ate food. watched the office. orgasmed about it. HUG IT OUT BITCH. laughed with mat about danny. harassed my father. the whole sha-bang. now im tired and worn out. and i love the fact that i can pull myself up from the ditches each day to see the beauty in the mundane. inthe pain. in the exhaustion. the beauty in everything.

call me a dreamer…

one day we’ll look back…

So hold onto everything.

u and menew love dont tell meLetMeCry[1]


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