AhahahahahahahaahHAHAHAHAHhahahahahaah ahhhhhhh

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE AHHAHAAAHAHAH

HAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

All I can do is laugh.

Let me see. School was fairly normal. advanced scene was great first thing in the morning because we watched some shittyyyy romeo and juliet and all made fun of it and died of laughter…seriously. we are a fucking cult. and i LOVE it. LOVE LOVE LOVE. wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. then i cried during my free. my paper died and wouldnt print out. skipped summer reading meetings and went to lunch with connor bowman who im seirously like. in love with. like i want to have his babies. video we had random interviews. i sort of sucked. english was utside and ms p was like “girls are friends for like a minute” i dont know i thought it was funny. math is a joke. i spend most of my time daydreaming…no fantasizing about tommy. And that is exactly where my downfall comes in. seriously. when the reality no longer suffices…I fantasize…and then i obsess on the fantasy and then when the reality does not compare to the fantasy I get upset and heartbroken and what could have been a simple “crush” becomes “OMG i’m heartbreakingly in love and he’s tearing my heart out” then neither the reality nor the fantasy match up in anyway and everything starts to give and before i know it i’m in love. in love with the fantasy and the idea that it’s reality or maybe the other way around. everything gets lost in my mind and suddenly it’s killing me. so basically. i really can’t do that. really.

double physics was so fucking dumb.

i actually wasn’t THAT nervous today compared to other days…that period after the last bell rings and before the process begins is seirously SOO fucking nerve wrecking but ahhghgh. since it was sooo long and soo insane and i was more just overhwelmed and exhausted and confused…i wasn’t all that nervous once i aactually got up there.

wow. i don’t even have time to write about the INSANITY of this day. but yeah. basically. like wtf. most BIZARRE auditions of my entire life. no lie. and it’s funny because it’s no longer like I feel like I LOVE taht theatre group and I’m sort of on the inside. Now. It’s a fucking cult. And it’s formalizing right in front of my eyes and cementing right here. And I’m right smack dab in the middle of it. Our cult. I love feeling apart of something…especially this something. I swear to god i love every fucking aspect of it. No words for my love.

So anyway. 34 fucking people auditioned for the fall play. no one really quite understood that except for us adv scene people. there are 11 roles in this play. and seriously. like wtf. auditions took 3 hours. theres really no point in explaining in length exactly why this is fucking INSANE but i understand it. and the cult understood it. we all literally stood there staring at each other with our mouths hanging open just like wtf. what. the. fuck. so yeah. i had to sit and wait in anguish for 3 hours to finally audition. it was fun though becuase like i said…i LOVE my cult. royce and lucy were rearranging the papers to try to throw people off…and then we wree planning a nudist play with margretta and “WHO IS THAT CRAAZY BLACK MAN! THIS ISN’T THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD!” and “There’s always extras Lauren”-the lovely sweet royce. BITCH. hahahah. sooo pleasing. iadore.

anway. my audition was okay-ish. fine. i was more comfortable than i thought i would be. then he made me do it as martha stewart, paris hilton, and then butch. hm. i was just glad to have it overwith.

anyway. after all the auditions…he called the advanced scene class back in and we sat and talked and what the fucked over it all for like an hour. im not kidding i am so in love with them all. just the whole thing. anyway. basically boggie went off on this speil about how he feels obligated to cast us and how we’re the most talented and blah and blah…anyway the whole thing is just so personal and fantastic and adorable i love it. basically then he gave us the oppurtunity to chose if we wanted to be in it. he said how many of you are honestly gonna be like “Fuck you” if you don’t get cast…and we all raised our hands. omg I FUCKIGNG LOVE YIJ. OH AND HE FUCKING READ WHAT HE WROTE ON ALL OUR AUDITION PAPERS. Ive never heard of that before…ever. i am like soo inlove with this program right now. with the cult.  anyway i dont want to ramble on about this anymore…but he said the list is going up second period. basically theres like 8439824902 things up in the air right now and he said he might even change the play altogethre. anyway i dont want to obsess over this anymore. either im in it or im not. and i dont want to get my hopes up but after that whole talk i really dont know how he could cut one of us and it not be like sooo awkward. but honestly if ONE of us is getting cut from the adv scene….it’ll be me. sigh. i reallllllly want to be in this. i just have to wait till 8:43 tomorrow morning. SQUEEEE ❤

cross my fingers, cross my heart and look to the future.

ANYWAY. after all that. im just gonna summarize cuz i neeeed to sleep.

-i went to dinner…fun fun love love i love mr stevenson , riley, bush, amy and the boarder girls.
-FUCKING CVS CONDOM ADVENTURE. ok i seriously need to write about this sometime but not now. AMAZING. AMAZING.
-connor bowman and i are officially going out on facebook. take that tommy vague ambiguous bitch.
-Bryan and I were on the phone together for like 45 minutes talking about his KOREAN HERBS that hes getting high on andhow gangster he is………WHAT THE FUCK.
-WHAT THE FUCK
-i dont evenr emember anything else. everything else is just so confusing right now that i like cant even think.

ahhhh tomorrow my life could change in a new direction. i hope to god this ends up alright. i have a feeling it will.

WHAT THE FUCK.

HOPE. SOOOO MUCH HOPE.

And here’s to the future.

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