So. Um. Sophmore year is over. I feel that in my heart with a sudden crash. What is this? What is this feeling?

So. Jonathan Schneider graduated.

Everything in life is surreal. And in constant motion and I can’t stop
a single thing around me. The sullen sorrow that accompanies the storm
clouds moves me. Not to tears…but serenity.

Everything is in full irony…full bliss and all consuming reality. And everlasting peace.

Graduation always fills me with the same
undeserving…unknowing…bittersweet and silent finality. And
disconcerting goodbyes…

I’ll miss all of this. I really will. I rock unsteadily back and forth
between sadness and serenity…my heart leads me down dark and unbidden
paths….but I’ll follow it.

I’ll miss you all. I’ll miss everything. But if this is the end…I’ll wipe away my tears and swallow. This is life.

Honestly. I’m surprised at how serene I really am. I thought I would be completely broken. I’ve heard so many
regrets from people…so many people the wish they had cherished the
year. So many that wish they could do it over again. Me…I feel like
all of this happened for a reason…all of the complete shit…all of
the love…and tragedy bridges the gap between self and self-worth. And
I feel…I soaked up every moment of this year. Everything that this
year brought me. Good. Bad. And the Flood that rushed between. So now
I’m left with nothing but sore eyes, a heavy heart, a past full of
memories…and a new year to look forward to…

After expressing my embarassment about publishing in the Hun Review, Mr. O’Brien replied:

“That’s the thing with you artists…you’re not afraid to put yourself
out there…to express yourself in all vast ways…”

And I felt like a fool. And ashamed to be embarassed. But like an artist. I love that. I wish I could
embrace that statement. For some reason…it really meant something to
me for some reason. That’s the way I want to live…need to live. I love O’B.

God grant me the
serenity



to accept the things I cannot change;



courage to change the things I can;



and wisdom to know the difference.