So life continues to stab me and berate me.

Boy does it feel like summer.

Feeling helpless again. I just wish so many things.

Real quickly…summary of the weekend:

Friday: Um. Strangeness in a
box. I remember crying over Mark. Alot. Like in school. In front of
him. Which was slightly strange slightly embarassing. And I was crying
over Ohm too. Basically everything that’s wrong in my life. Bryan
picked me and Jmo up andwe went to my house and blahed around for an
hour…then got hahaha lost going to Miles’ house and drove INTO the
hun athletic fields hahaha awesome. Then we hung out at Miles’ house
for a bit which was awesome….every single time I’m with that man I
always think “My god I love this kid…why don’t I spend more time with
him?” And I never do. I need to beast up his house more often because
it’s KICK ASS. There was 6 of us there but I don’t remember who it was.
We played dodgeball in his gym and it really made me miss the good old
days…which I’m not entirely sure what those are…but I guess better
days. Then haha hahahah me and emlyn and connor and miles went in his
basement once everyone else left and played dead or alive 4 and HAHA i
completely dominated…i was undefeated to EVERYONE like 12 times over
and i had never played before. it was so funny. Then went home and
devised the AWESOME plan which was to take Jeremy over to our house and
get him drunk while watching High School Musical…which was actually a
dumb idea…and didn’t work out since I was HORRIBLY suspicious and a
bad liar to my mom and she caught on and then fucking sat outside in
the car outside the house HAHA it was so sketchy. anyway. we abducted
jmo from the movies and came home and watched high school musical.
emlyn was being a hoe with dmitri but i wont get into that. jeremy
surprisingly liked it! fuck ya and then we danced around and sang for a
while. and then watched yo momma till like midnight. then jmo went
home. love him. then emlyn and i were beasts

Saturday: Basically the first
saturday I could sleep in alll year. Um. Slept in till 3. Then wandered
around I guess. Hhahahaah. Then went on a sketchy date with Kyle
Bremer. Yaaaa. Really don’t want to get into it. Heh. Sooo sketchy. Wow
ya. I didn’t think it was going to be…but I guess it was like a
“first date”…sooo strange. I don’t even know what we talked about.
But it was scurry. He picked me up in his sexy car and we drove around
like maniacs…went to Thomas Sweet for ice cream…and sat on a
parkbench and talked…whcih was sketchily romantic…if only it
weren’t with Kyle. Wow. I have no idea what I got myself into. NO IDEA.
I don’t really know…………………… all.
Then I came home and was sketchy. I…plotted the beastly Boiler Room
2…which nevre really got started because I got a fucking
INTERVENTION. Ya. Ya. Dead serious. Freaking intervention by Sudoben.
Which was one of the sketchiest things ever. I was basically scared out
of my mind. They outnumbered me so easily. And ah. I’ll have to write
about it sometime…but I don’t know. I guess they were just being
overdramatic…but at the same time…I guess I’m really NOT who I was
at all. They were saying I was going to “drink myself to death” but I
mean come on. I don’t know. It was flattering that they cared so
much…but at the same time. I don’t know. I don’t know. I guess I felt
a tiny bit scared of myself. Who I’ve become.
Then Emlyn and I beasted and made a fucking SMORES cake which is AWESOME. Ate it and watched awesome TV. ❤

Sunday: Slept till 3 again.
Then I have no idea. Honestly have no idea hahaaha.
Strange…ya…………um. It’ll come to me eventually. Anyway. Went
to X-Men at like 10 with Melissa and Amy and it ROCKED HARDCORE RAWR
CHYEAH BITCH. Ugh. Soooo sexual. Wolverine was like UGH and jean raped
him hardcore. Then i dont know. I guess I don’t remember this day at

Monday: Really really felt like
summer. Woke up at 11 and somehow actually worked. Strange I know.
Jackie and Lauren were being really ewird and I was like rjeakj. Then
expecting it to be like massive gangsterness now…but it actually
looks alot the same…just a nicer pool. So it was awesome to be back
there. SO weird though. NO IDEA how it’s this time alraedy. NO IDEA.
Anyway. Emlyn and Bry and I had a cute time though…played neevr have
i ever and I think Bryan is scared now…but twas good. ❤ Then went
to Latella’s at like 6 haha for only like 2 hours but it was good
anyway…I guess. Just sort of sat there and hung out…I felt a little
weird when I first got there…but I guess it was okay. Christina is
cute. And then ummm came home and my mom was a hoebag. But…ya. Life
is so so strange.

So fairly uneventful and relaxing weekend. Meh. Duno. Meh. Life is…Mow. Meh.

So this is it. Finally. Wholly. Unbelievably. Embarking on the last
week of sophmore year. How did I get here already? Is it finally or
suddenly? Is a blessing? Or is it a constant turning point? Everything
is in constant motion and I am just a final wheel. This is the final
cog. Here we go. This is so important. I won’t let a second slip by.
This is so important. Every fragile moment…I can never
reproduce…recreate…and I will spend the entire summer replaying in
my head or regretting or fantasizing about if I don’t just fucking
live. Right. Fucking. Now. Put everything on the line and FUCKING FALL
ALREADY. The whole year has been leading up to this. Now burn the
bridges and build the bridges and do whatever you have to do to finally
fucking let fucking go. And live.


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