It’s been a while since I’ve written…..I suck.

Thursday, April 13- Interesting
day. Interesting. Well 30 minute periods…sort of kicked ass…I
remember lunch was outside and short..and I remember something cool
about it…but don’t remember what now…and then I remember we went
back up to lnch 7th period…and umm…nothing particularly amazing
that I remember the whole day…….but the we had the Holmes Memorial
service………………

MEMORIAL SERVICE

Then I came home and was gonna do a bunch of crap with people but just
sort of gave up and ended up going shopping with my mom…which was
good beacsue I hadn’t gone shopping in AGES…and I bought a bunch of
awesome stuff…so. Ya. Good times. And um. I don’t remember what
happened that night….talked and stuff.

Friday, April 14- No I do not
remember Friday. Ohhhh yes I do. Um I woke up at like 3 or
something…and then my mom really wanted to go to a broadway show…so
I was like whatever…I might as well go and be a good
daughter…besides..who doesn’t love a broadway show? So we bought
tickets for the Light In the Piazza…the perks of living 45 minutes
from NYC and my mom having discount ticketness because we go so
much…anyway…we wanted to see light in the piazza because debbie
told us the plot was the dumbest thing ever.

LIGHT IN THE PIAZZA

Saturday, April 15- Ahhhh Jeremy day.

Then we dyed easter eggs together…and had a random phone calling
contest…haha and then we had an egg throwing contest and AHAHAHA
Jeremy chucked an egg onto my neighbors roof…so um ya…he basically
egged my neighbors roof. Way to go. Loserface.

Then we randomly went to Bryan’s dorm to watch a movie he was screening
beacuse he really wanted us to and he was getting desperate…so we
did…and it was some totally sketchy kung fu movie…but
actually….it totally rocked hardcore. Hhaha it was really funny. And
OMG one of the gangs in it was called the Axe Gang was we were like
UGHH TREE AXE. So hot. And then halfway through Melissa called and
wanted to come…so I met her and she came and watched the last bit of
the movie. Then it ended and we were like woot…it ended at like
9:30….we didn’t get home till midnight………riiiiiight.

And then we went into Princeton…that’s where the trouble started.

SKETCHINESS AND CUDDLEFEST

Sunday, April 16- Hmmm. Do I
remember Sunday? Oh yes. Easter. Oh yes. Woke up and opened severly
smaller easter baskets compared to previous years…er…compared to
before of all of this…but I really don’t care…and um Bryan got his
sexy shirt that we got him and I got a shirt so wooot. Now I have alot
of new clothes. Then we went to church…one of the two times we go
every year…boy…I have alot to say about church…but I think I’ll
refrain…keep my opinions to myself…but this year I felt
particularly doubtful and resentful towards the church and Christianity
in itself…moreso then other times perhaps…I don’t know. I honestly
don’t know what I believe. But I know that I’m rather inconsistent.

Then we got home and had a really cute easter lunch…and Bryan ranted
about Greek history…and I bathed in the spring glow and the rosey
buds on the tree…and tried not to cry…thinking of how things used
to be…how things should be…for
some reason this holiday was especially difficult to get through. I
don’t know why. It was just me and my mom. And that…that really
resonated…thinking of the family we used to have…and of the
families that everyone I know was spending time with…It didn’t
sting…but it certainly brought a melancholy smile to the luminous
grass. And in particular…the fact that no matter how hard I try…in
any great chasm of the future…will my family ever be whole again.
Ever. That this family has abandoned it’s little girl. I think that
fact resonated most clearly in the wind.

And you say this is the world saved?

Then I don’t really know….um. Wandered around I suppose. We went to
Wegmans. Bought food. And got the bike’s tire filled up again…and
then of course I went out to ride it and it broke again…so then I
walked to the park…and had a very swell few hours…I found a niche
deep in the woods…that were so fervent with green life…and layed in
a patch of clovers and read my book. That was good. That felt really
good. After an hour and a half or so I got up and walked around the
park…and then swung on the swings for like…haha an hour. Then I
walked home…and umm…I honestly don’t remember what happened after that…

Sam wanted to come over and Melissa wanted to come over but I sort of
felt like sitting around at home…so I did. Um…ya I seriously don’t
remember…but I blubbed around…and then eventually decided to stay
home…and I watched Desperate Housewives which was sketchy and then
had a Mat fest finally….YAY! I finally got to talk to my dear old
matty. And I told her my big horrible story and
ya……..that’s…….interesting.

Then I watched Greencard and went to sleep. Meh.

Monday, April 17- Meh.Woke up
at late….and then the tree axe was supposed to get together..but it
didn’t work out…and then hahahha out of nowhere Jeremy calls me and
is like “I’ll be over in like 10 minutes” and I’m like “uhhh did I
invite you?” and he’s like “No, but I’m coming over” and hangs
up…haha it was sooo weird. So then Jeremy just shows up and we hung
out for a bit and then Sarah called so we met up with her and had
lunch…so it was me, jeremy, sarah, debbie and mom…haha it was
strange. Then at like 3 we took Jmo to his crew practice. Twas fun.

And then there was a bit of running around…bubble tea took forever
and some random sketchy old man came up to me and talked to me for like
20 minutes and he thought I was 25..nice…..then we went to best buy
just to look at my camera becuse dumb miles broke it and I knew I would
forget…and so we took it there and it turned out we have a service
plan…so they’re like ya we can send it in to get repaired and itll be
back in like 6 weeks…and we’re like meh…whatever. but then all the
sudden hes like ah no actually u can just go pick out a new
camera….hahhaa. wow. ya. hotness. so I got to pick out a brand new
camera…but actually I was pretty sad…because all the new models are
tiny and suck and I missed my old camera hahaha….anyway…I ended up
picking one but I don’t really know if I got the new one. And then we
had to like send my old camera away…and I’m not gonna lie I was
really sad hahaha…I’m just a freak sentimental kinda weirdo…and I
cudn’t part with it…and then ahhhhhhh the tape that was stuck in the
camera…they cudnt get out…so they just had to like…give up…and
make me lose that tape.

So now I’m really sad cuz I lost basically everything from this
year…like seirously…really upsetting heh. There was alot of
priceless stuff…like hahaha in the poe showers. Meh. I suck. No.
Miles sucks. Blame Miles.

Meh. But new camera is sorta cool…..meh.

Then we picked up Emlyn! Yay! But she was really tired so she came home
and slept. Still good to have her back…I felt like a part of myself
was suddenly back into place.

Then I went to the park again for a few hours…and sat in the same
part of the forest and read…and then swung some more…twas swell
swell.

OH! Big importantness…meh. I’ll write about it tomorrow…I still need to mull it over.

Ummm. Then it was like…I don’t know…watched the office again…and
then I got to work on my amazing secret project…mwahahahaha. I’ll
write more about that later. But that’s basically what I spent the
past….5 and a half hours doing. Sweet. I hope it comes out well. I
have such commitment to things that aren’t….well…things I should be
committed to…that made sense in my mind. Really it did.



Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

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