journey through the wilderness which no one else can make for us, which
no one can spare us…”
Ok. So. I feel ready to take on the 4th marking period. I know I sound
like a mother or something…but I really want to finish off this year
with at least some dignity…so I don’t feel completely worthless.
Sugh. What a year it’s been…too many countless days of “It was just
one of those days”…I suppose evolved into…”Just one of those
years”. I can’t turn back time…but I can try hard to bridge the gap
between this chasm of despair and the hopeful future that I know is
lurking behind the spring rain. I know I can make it alive.
I suppose this is blatant and surface symbolism…But we have this
absolutely breathtaking cherry blossom tree…and when it blooms…it
is by far my favorite time of the year. It only lasts for about a
week…but…Bliss seems to be entwined in that tree. But this year the
gorgeous cherry blossom tree outside of our house is taking a long time
to bloom…the longest of them all…the last on our street…and for a
while my mom was worried that it might have died…I was scared
too…But today I saw ripening blossoms forming at the tips…and I
smiled to myself as my mom said “Thank god the tree survived the
winter.” Looks like we survived. I have breath in my lungs. Tainted but
real. Honestly…it really can only go up from here. I keep saying
it…but I know that at some point I have to regain consciousness…I
can’t keep sinking…the cherry blossoms simply won’t allow it.
Here’s to spring. And to the best times of our lives. And to waking up
in sinewy dew wrapped around green grass. Healthy. Alive. Grass.
Today was good? Today was good. I woke up at 12…and really didn’t
want to go to rehearsal..but did. And I’m not gonna lie…it was
honestly the most painful rehearsal of my entire life. Halfway through
we put on our pointe shoes on…and not only had I not been on pointe
all year…but I completely forgot all my stuff…so I had old pointe
shoes 5 times too big and no ouch pouches…and I’ve neve been on
pointe in my life without ouch pouches. But I had to do it. So I did
it. And my feet bled through my pointe shoes. You could see it on the
glistening outside. By the time I finally got them off…every single
toe was bleeding ferociously. Practically all the skin on my toes was
ripped off. The inside of my shoes were soaked with blood. Take that
whiney rowers. You’re not the only hardcore people on the planet. Plus
I had no idea what I was doing since I had missed last week…so I
looked like a complete fucking idiot and I was in soo much pain. Ugh.
And then to top it all off…I had to go at the end of rehearsal and
tell Mary Barton that I probably can’t do the show because I’m in my
school play. I don’t think she’s too fond of me now. Meh. I really hope
I can do both…but someone didn’t happen to realize that the two are
on the same fucking weekend. If worst comes to worst though, I’d rather
do Lysistrata than Copelia. Any day.
Then I came home…completely exhausted…and tried to take a bath…3
times…and the water was freezing…then I tried to take a shower and
it was still freezing…so I wasted like an hour. Then I watched Will
and Grace and ate chinese food. Good stuff.
Then Jeremy came home at like 6 to work on the project. He left at like
10:30. Ahhh twas so much fun. We’re having waaay too much fun on this
project. Hahahaha seirously. Our project is going to be the absolute
most ASBURD thing ever. SOO amazing. I’ll write about it tomorrow once
we do it. But. Um. Ya. SOO amazing. I love how Jeremy’s just
like…my…ya…I mean he shows up at my house and I’m just out of the
shower, in pajamas, no make up on, not even wearing a bra…and haha i
don’t even care. Love him. And we finally got over our silly
differences and actually ended up being really really good partners.
Basically there was no way either of us can stay mad at the other. Our
project is going to be AMAZING. ughh. But ya. So we both put on
matching pink pajama pants and sat and worked. And then we went into
CVS both wearing my pajama pants…and…it was basically amazing. We
had too much in CVS. Should have taken pictures. Um. Ya. Then after he
left I made my obscene cake for Chem…….and….now…it’s literally
3 in the morning…and I seriously need to sleep. Tomorrow should be
ghetto. Still alot of work to do. Oh well.
Best partners ever. How can you stay mad at that man? ♥