Ahoy there. So. Today’s been good. I really like this whole having no pimples thing. It’s weird washing my face and its like…..smooth….WHOA. Blows my mind….its like taking off a mask…since I’ve had pimples since i was in 2ND GRADE…i never quite saw the real me…and now its like whoa…theres a person under all that ruble. teehee. sry im being weird. ok ill stop now.


Today is a sex fiend. First period drama we watched Shakespeare In Love and I fell asleep because I had 6 hours of stuff last night plus noooo sleep. Saw Paul on my way out. MWA HA HA. Then french…boring…at least she didnt seem tooo hateful towards me today. then english…uhhh…talked about Black Boy. Hate that book. Hate racism.


OMG. THE MOST AWFUL THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED TO ME TODAY. AAAAAH I FUCKING HATE MY FATHER. Alright. So the deal is he wants custody over me (and the only reason he wants that is so that he’ll seem like a nice guy who cares so he can get more money…i ASSURE he doesnt actually want me to come live with him and his whore…especially since we’ve spent our entire lives hating each other…funny he “cares” now…anyway…back to story) and so he called up Hun and told them that I needed help so that he could use that in court saying that he cares and he got help for me and my mom didnt. Thing is…I don’t need help. I hate counselors. I just don’t feel comfortable talking to people I don’t know…the idea of spilling my heart out to a complete stranger is rather nerve wrecking…especially knowing me…(this may sound weird mat…but i DONT ramble on for hours to EVERYONE i meet…shocking, eh?) Alright. ANYWAY. So Ms. Donati has been trying to get in touch with me for a while and so today after French she comes to my class and is like:


Ms. D: You need to see me
Me: Me?
Ms. D: Yes.
Me: Uhh…now?
Ms. D: Yes
Me: But I have class…
Ms. D: So?


Amazing story…right? Just thought I’d clarify….so then she leads me to her stupid old room and gives me this longggg talk about blah blah blah….she actually seemed really nice….but that’s besides the point. So then she’s like:


Ms. D: So I think you need some help.
Me: Um…no, that’s ok…thanks…
Ms. D: No. Trust me. You NEED help.
Me: Um….no. not really.
Ms. D: You need help!
Me: Uh. No.


Then she gave up and wrote me a note to English…and it was sooo embarrassing because the note was like “I’m sorry I was with Ms. Donati” and I was gonna die. If it had been anyone else….anyoneeee but him. He already things im all upset and depressed and we’ve already had all these talks and stuff…i cant explain it…i just wish it hadnt happened. so i was all pissed off when i came into class. then mr. o’b didnt make eye contact with me all class. Then the entire class was mr o’b talking about this kid that hates his father all his life and then the father runs off with another woman and leaves the family. i was like….awkward.


I’m actually participating in class today…its hot. Lately (since WSS)  I’m just too tired to. I’m lazy.

PLAY!!!!!!!!

ummmm…hi.

106 DAYS!

mat read the entry two down.

Today was a beast of life. OMG MY COMPUTER IS ACTUALLY SOMEHOW WORKING. It’s amazingggggggggggggg!

aaaaaaaahahahahaha history was so funny! we had like “free study” in
the library or something weird….so i escaped to go take a walk…and
then i was gone for like a half and hour and i didnt want to come back
in and raiford to be like wtf…so i just hid…and skipped class…it
was awesome…raiford has such issues…

Then drama was beastin…Alix had a hot presentation…and I was nervous as hell. I’m such a loser.

OMG! PAUL TALKED TO ME!!!!! It was funny because Jmo and Miles and I
were using a secret phrase to talk about him as we walked by so Miles
would know who he is…and then he was like:

Paul: Lauren! (notice…not bird)
Me: *Flips around dramatically*
Paul: Did you memorize your lines yet?
Me: No! I can’t act! I think Ms. Ohm is crazy
Paul: I’m sure you can do it…

Then I went and talked to Cat….but it was SOOOO cute…and like the
longest conversation we;ve ever had…and he seemed so adorable…and
almost nervous..it was WEIRD. Today was weird.

AND ZEIG!

hmmm…uh…OMG.

I. LOVE. PAUL.

God I wish I could say his name.

First rehearsal today went really well…i was sooooooooo nervous tho….but its amazing…highlights:
-Waiting for Dan for like a half an hour…”Where’s Reiss?!”
-Luq falling asleep and snoring! lolol
-LUCY!
-DAN!
-KAILA!
-Tar-tar
-I Heart Drama!
-It’s oodles of fun!
-NIMBUS 2000!-Dan (ull like that one Mat)
-HE’S STALKING ME!
-Ms. Ohm: Ok so this is about a girl who’s obsessed with a guy and shes
stalking him and won’t leave him alone and keeps following him..Me:
*Giggle* Dan: *STARE*
-*Sam and I start running from campbell’s house to Quinn’s as a silver
car starts to drive in front of us…* Sam: Who’s that? Me: *Looks in
window*…Paul *Is hyper so waves to Paul and keeps
running*…later….Sam: You know when you waved to Paul he stopped and
rolled down his window to talk to you and you kept running and he just
sat there waiting for you to say something…Me: AH!…(What an amazing
story)

I HEAR PIANO MUSIC! Is Bryan here??????

Jmo: You’re an opening.
Me: An opening…to a festival?
Jmo: No. Just an opening.
Me: Good to know. I’ll keep that in mind.

Anyhoo…I can’t act for my LIFE. And I get to realize this now…after
I’m in the play. BOO. I boo you. Christina wasn’t here today and I
could have killed her…oooomg…so today was absolutely amazing…i
wish i could have taken a picture of our first
day…documented…frozen the moment..anything. this is my last chance. my last breath. my one last shot.

And I am not going down without a fight.

Things are looking up in a way I could never imagine…A way I don’t
want to imagine…Too afraid of getting my heart broken again…then
how does one live? I’m trapped.

I need you.

So these mixed signals…are they ever supposed to form something of
coherent value? Is it a painting that falls together at the last
moment…with a few brush strokes? Or is it a puzzle of a million tiny
pieces…fit together effortlessly overtime? For now it just seems like
insanity. But I’m willing to endure…I suppose.

Then I had ballet…I’m exhaustedddddddd….rehearsal from
3-6:30…then RAN home and had ballet from 7-9:30…ek. I rebel. It was
hot…both Sarah and Caroline were there…so sexy…and we had fun
times…”I’ll take you to the Candy Shop………Yes.” lol…guess u
had to be there….class actually wasnt that bad…i got to wear pants
and no shoes…and i didnt completely totallllly suck. WOOT. I heart
Mitchell.

Apparently I’m the rebel of the ballet class. Blek. I’m ALWAYS getting in trouble. No fair, no fair.

“Do it for Dan!”-Caroline

So now I’m EXHAUSTED and my muscles have given out and it’s 10:30 and I
haven’t started my hw…and people are strange…and I still love
Paul…and uhhh…Need shower…need…acting lessons…and uhh…AT
LEAST THE COMPUTER WORKS! But Paul signed off…BOO.

Sarah is horny.

I suppose I’ll be heading off now to do worthless work and such…shocking I know.

Ahoy there….mmm today’s been a sexpot…French we had a sub in the
library…lots of e-mail…English…i was stupid enough to forget my
SAT book…Math was hot….lotsssss of passing notes…lol Ten bucks.
ummm…then activities i dragged people in to listen to Les Info 4…mm
good times. Then I stalked Paul thru watching him in the library thru
the side door. Oh so much fun. Bio…i had to do my retarded
presentation and it sucked because i didnt know what i was doing and i
had no poster…the people in that class are so stupid. OMG. THe
weirdest thing happened as I was leaving class. OMG. Ah…it shook me
up…i cant write it hear tho…itll sound conceited….eeeeek scurry.

“Was one the same as three? Was three the same as one and two?”
“Wh–?”
“Was there any difference between one, two, and three?”
“I..I–“
“And
what would you expect to get out of four, five, and six that you did
not get out of one, two, and three? Your anger has nothing to do with
me. What will satisfy your anger will never come from me or anyone else
here. I’m afraid you must look for it elsewhere.”

	-- Byron and a bully in Babylon 5:"Secrets of the Soul"

My mom actually let me go to prom! SCORE. It’s gonna be so fun. WOOT.

BABYLON 5 IS GOD.

I saw Ashley touring the school yesterday…it was cool…i got in
trouble in history for waving profusely at her. itd be weird if she
came…

First MSND rehearsal!!!!!!!!!! woooot….excited

“What does the candle represent?”
“Life.”
“Whose life?”
“All
life, every life. We’re all born as molecules in the hearts of a
billion stars, molecules that do not understand politics, policies and
differences. In a billion years we, foolish molecules forget who we are
and where we came from. Desperate acts of ego. We give ourselves names,
fight over lines on maps. And pretend our light is better than everyone
else’s. The flame reminds us of the piece of those stars that live
inside us. A spark that tells us: you should know better. The flame
also reminds us that life is precious, as each flame is unique. When it
goes out, it’s gone forever. And there will never be another quite like
it. So many candles will go out tonight. I wonder some days if we can
see anything at all.”

	-- Sheridan and Delenn in Babylon 5:"And All My Dreams, Torn Asunder"

I’ll write later….LUNCH IS NEXT.

LES INFO 4: THE CARDINAL TREASURE FUCKS MY SOCKS.

Font got fucked up because of the quotes…sry bout all the quotes…im a loser.

“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry. I don’t need
your pity. I don’t need anybody’s pity. All I know is that I’m tired of
being controlled. Controlled by others, by fear, by my past, by what
everybody else expects of me and it’s enough. Enough. .. And
this. This is my own private little active rebellion, yeah. I may not
be able to control what other people do to me, but I can at least be in
control what I do to myself.”

	-- Lise and Garibaldi in Babylon 5:"Darkness Ascending"
-For...everyone...

Blek. Crazy day.

107 DAYS.

So I’m in French…and e-mailing Leg profusely…OOOMG fucking ms murphy is our sub and i HATEEE her with a passion…

today was exasperating…i didnt have one moment free….lets
see….english first…we presented our sexy plays…ummm…it was
hot…i didnt know what i was doing and i relaly hope arthie isnt mad
at me

Some people tell the most worthless stories.

Math was kinda boring…i got in trouble for reading MSND…and then
we did stuff…hot…i heart jackie…Rob has issues…History was
ABSOLUTELY retarded…Mr Raiford needs to go like…eat some sausage…

EEEEK! I have so much to write

Alright so then I had a sexy meeting with Dr. Byer during
activities…and it was hot…our whole peer group was supposed to come
but no one showed up except for me, connor, jake and jeff…it was
awkward….Dr. Byer asked me questions and i gave the stupidest
answers…oh well…it was kinda fun…i guess….but then i was like
15 mintues late to Bio and I felt bad cuz i didn’t exactly tell him
where I’d been so I was just…yea…and then for some strange reason I
went into some sort of trance for like al of bio class and i was
feeling all depressy and angsty and i went and sat in the back corner
and gave people menacing stares…and then i randomly and completely
answered one of his questions without raising my hand sounding all
bored and rebelious and evil and scurry…it was SO weird…that was
the only thing i said all class and zieg gave me a weird look…i dont
no what was going on…

Anywayyyy….then I had to run up to give a tour…Alix and I toured
these Italians around the Middle School and they spoke noooo english so
it was retarded….we were giving like hand motions and stuff…it was
amazing…i said some pretty stupid stuff too…prolly cuz i knew they
cudnt understand me…but alix must have thought i was retarded:

Alix: This is the book store…
Me: And you can…buy…books here…

Alix: So this is the English room
Me: So why don’t you go in and…”feel around”

lol. wow. i have issues

then i ran up to lunch for 15 minutes….first i had to sit alone
but then chrissy and sam came…we’re gonna have so much fun! paul
looked hot today…on the way down christina told me all about her
conversation with paul…i STILL have issues.

then i took the english test which was actually really
easy…like…too easy…like…im SURE it was a trick…and he’s
like…alright you may not have enough time…but ill write u a
note…and then i finished in like 10 minutes…it was awkward…

Awkward is my new word.

Phrases from Easter Vacation ’05:
-Awkward
-Your mom goes to college
-CHEDDAR!!!
-“What can I do to make you love me?”
-Pop it in and pull it out
-You put the lime in the coke, you nut
-Obscene!
-YEA THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME!

Sexy sexy times.

WHOA….The computer is staying on so long! This is a miracle!

Then drama ms ohm wasnt here so we had mr. bush sub and we worked on the play…

I realized at the end of this school year…I will have done 7 different shows this year…already…is that a little obscene?
-Hun Fall dance
-Nutcracker
-West Side Story
-Swan Lake
-Midsummer’s Night Dream
-Hun Spring dance
-Elevator thing

I guess it’s good for the colleges…Yale here I come.

Then french was stupid too…the saaster was gone but ms murphy
subbed and we went to the library…and then lolol the funniest thing
ever…ms murphy made me stay behind to fix the books…o i guess u had
to be there….but i was gonna kill her…no joke…and hahahaha morgan
and i were THIS close to skipping class…we went wandering around and
then she found us and we made up a lame excuse…hotness….

I think I’m missing my wings.

That was a hot day…then I wandered around and hung out with my
sexy people….AAAAAAAH ROB BROKE MY FINGER….I hate him. He was
praising Bush so I just HAD to do something so I took my belt and beat
him….then he beat me…it was upsetting…Then ummm we went down to
Quyen’s and ummm i love Jon…and Jmo is sex….and it was beastin all
the day long…then alot of ppl left and Sam and I wandered profusely.

I’m still in Emlyn mode.

Lol it was the funniest thing ever…Paul was in the library so Sam
and I walked back and forth in front of the library at like 48392048201
times. And we were talking loudly in front of the door about all sorts
of stupid things…it was amazing…we must have spent like 4 hours
there. Then we went up to the mall (I’M SORRY MAT! You can beat me) and
practiced lines and watched Rob play tennis so we could make fun of
him…It was fun…i love sammy….then we sat on the benches and had a
long talk….secrets came out…woot. eat me. then more paul
stalking….GOD i love that….lol it was so funny when sam and i were
talking in the bathrooma nd then liz comes out….oooook u def had to
be there….anywayyyyy

Tomorrow’s the first day of MSND rehearsal…I’m really
nervous…Nervous for my acting…nervous for what is to come…nervous
for what I’ll do…and what I’ll never do…and nervous for what I’ll
regret doing…and regret not doing. I can’t say what these months hold
in store…but memories will be created…And we are gonna have SO MUCH
FUCKING FUN!!!!!!!

I only get to write this moment once…

One day I’ll look back…

Then uhhhhhh….*think think*….wandering…assualt of Campbell’s
house….hahaha the funniest thing…Rylie was crying so we ran over to
her to comfort her and she started running away and then she started
crying even more and calling us “Monstars!” wow. we suck at life.

My hair feels nice.

uhhhhhhhh….Then we had dinner…which was oh-so-much fun. lol it
was actually one of the most hilarious things ever. Me, Campbell Rob
and Sam talking about sex profusely for 45 minutes straight. We
couldn’t go 5 seconds without talking abotu sex…trust me…we tried.
“I masturbate with…the ceiling fan…” and “Yea but I juiced on
Amy”….”Then he just blew ALL over Amy and she was just sopping
wet…” “Yea but I juiced on Amy”…”PENIS!”…”Yea but I juiced on
Amy…then framed it…” Sry Amesly.

Then I came home…had fried chicken…and watched hours and hours
of Ed. The BEST episode in ALL of ANY TV show…ever. I LOVE that
episode with a passion. Then watched Gilmore Girls…then INDIANA
JONES…RAIDERS!!! Yes. That’s what I grew up on. That’s my Bible.
Along with Star Wars. Once a dork…always a dork.

“Burger me.” – Mike Burton

GREATEST MOMENT IN ALLLLLLLL OF ED:

Carol Vessey:
My one chance at something vaguely resembling happiness, and you destroyed it.

Ed Stevens:
What?

Carol Vessey:
You ruined my wedding, and… and you made me lose Dennis.

Ed Stevens:
How could I have ruined your wedding? I wasn’t even there.

Carol Vessey:
Of course you were there. You’re always there. Because no matter what I try to do Ed Stevens is always there.

Ed Stevens:
I… I don’t know… I don’t know what you’re so upset about.

Carol Vessey:
Ed, do you want to know why Dennis walked out of the wedding?

Ed Stevens:
Why?

Carol Vessey:
I’ll tell you why. I’ll… I’ll tell you why! Because he thought I was
looking around the church for you. He thought I was looking for Ed
Stevens.

Ed Stevens:
Were you?

Carol Vessey:
Yeah. Yeah, I was.

Ed Stevens:
Why Carol?

Carol Vessey:
Because you never stop. It’s been this way ever since you came back to
Stuckeyville. You didn’t even know me. Ed, you did not even know me,
and yet you made it your life’s work to just, to wear me down. It’s
like, it’s like you crawled into my skull, and you found a nice, comfy
little place to rest, and you refuse to leave. No matter what I said,
no matter what I did, you just never stopped coming after me. You, you
just never stopped!

Ed Stevens:
You never wanted me to stop! And you wanted me to stop. It’s true
Carol. I did all these things. I dressed up as a knight. I sang. I
danced. I threw waffles at your bedroom window. I hired a skywriter. I
got up on a horse named Crazy Jimmy, and you loved it. You loved it.
And you hated it. Because you didn’t think you deserved it. And you
know what Carol? You were right.
*Tries to kiss Ed* What, what are you doing?

Carol Vessey:
I don’t know. I don’t know.

Ed Stevens:
Carol, look at me. I’m dying. I gotta get off this ride.

AAAAAH YOU MUST WATCH! IT IS GOD. And it is amazing. And this really
makes NO sense at all unless you watch the show…oh well….Jackie
will get it. ❤

Oh and this…Just for kicks:

Ed Stevens:
A relationship like ours can’t work; things buried deep down are bound
to come to the surface and destroy us. It’s like building on an ancient
burial ground.

O.M.H.F.G. I WAS JUST ON A WEBSITE AND I REALIZED THAT MY ALL-TIME
FAVORITE EPISODE OF ED IS EPISODE 52. ITS A SIGN! A SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!! A
SIGN I TELL YOU!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAH:

http://www.stuckeyville.com/show/episodes.asp?ID=52

“Phil, I am not a ceramic poodle!”
– Eli

“Is the Carol-iron finally hot and if so, should I strike or WAS the Carol-iron hot and I missed striking?”
– Ed

“We could slip them a mickey. I don’t know what exactly a mickey is, but I do know you slip them to people.”
– Shirley

“I’m going to
proceed to pummell Mike with my bare fists till the soul rises from his
body, then I’m going to grab his soul by the neck and start giving it
open handed slaps-“

– Ed

Eli: “You ain’t gonna fire no brother in a wheelchair!”
Phil: “Or a very, very light skinned brother who’s allergic to cat dander.”

“You came at me with teeth bared, foaming at the mouth, like a rabid badger!”
– Ed

“My honest opinion is you’re in love with some ideal version of me that I can’t possibly live up to.”
– Carol (This quote represents me in NOOOO way shape or form)

Sry. I went a little over board with the Ed quotes….i just couldn’t help myself.

And I need to sleep.. It’s one o’clock and school is far too soon.

And I’ve realized oh-so-many things. And I’ve seen so many things. And I understand so much more.

Things are finally looking up.

lil0mis0devil: today was a really good day fer me
AnInnocentBanjo: yay!
AnInnocentBanjo: me too
lil0mis0devil: lol
lil0mis0devil: yay!
AnInnocentBanjo: i actualy feel like things are looking up
lil0mis0devil: it looks like things are finnally getting better!

I can’t really put it into words…It’s these fragments of pain and
emotion that over the months have melded together…to form this
scultpure of confidence and trust…beyond anything I could have
imagined. Yes. Maybe the light is beginning to shine through. Yes. Maybe there is hope. God,
everyone knows I need it.

I suppose I’ll always be the friend. Never the girl.

This group of ours. These outcasts…rebels…dreamers…we seem to
have connected the thread running through us once and for all…let go
of the petty pains and dramas that shook the boundaries…this twisted
sense of reality that tied us together…has become a foundation…and
Sam’s
words resonate in my head: “You grew up with them”…We did. There’s
something magical in that. We’ll always have that bond…that
power…no matter what happens…I can see myself…with them…the
rest of high school…and we’ll never forget these memories we’ve
forged…once we’ve left this school and are married with
children…we’ll remember those days watching the red, glossy sunset
down on a
grassy patch with 5 year old Tucker running circles around us. Our
first loves…first heartbreaks…first suicide attempt…first step at
overcoming. It’s a journey…and we’ll never forget it. I promise I
won’t take any more of it for granted…or leave you behind. And I
PROMISE I’ll stop being so god damn corny. lol

And I want to write. Passion. I think I’ve found it…finally. It’s
been right here in front of me ALL this time. No. I don’t want to
write. I need to write. It’s this element inside of me that yearns to
be let loose…it’s like food and water and I starve without it.
Writing makes me feel better…soothes the pain…and let’s me let go.
It’s something still waiting for me. And it’s waiting to fly. For the
first time in my life…I’ve realized something definate…something
pure…something strong:

I’m a writer.

Sex.

Woo…ok so today was hot…

HAPPY EASTER

ummm….we had fun…woke up at like 9 and went to church….umm…it
was amazing…”Taste and Flee”…communion tasted like cardboard but
thats alright…went home and got our baskets…it was hot…i got a
fairy…since im a fairy…which was kinda corny…and candy…then we
had our magical easter egg hunt….”AAAAH!”…Emlyn def defeated
me…we ate our colored eggs…which was sad because they looked really
cool…watched MTV…sat around…and then saw Bride and Prejudice…it
was amazing…Emlyn and I were being so weird:

-dancing in our seats
-singing with the rappers
-laughing profusely and absurdly
-surfers and shaking bottles

It was amazing. Then we uhh…had dinner….did Les Info…took sexy pictures…

“Don’t you understand me!
I want you hand in hand with me!”

“So sad so sad…What can I do to make you love me?”
-Les Info 4

Les Info 4 Update: COMPLETE! And it’s entitled: The Cardinal Treasure (thats for you jackie)

Eeeek. Howdy. Today was a beast. Ummmm…I’m tired….Today
we…actually I don’t remember..Don’t really feel like writing…we had
dinner for like 8 hours…did les info…watched SNL…had orgy…it
was fun…we had bad motions in the car and my mom got scared of
us…aaaah the guy in keane was a beast he was like
flailing…uhhh…dohnut…i really dont wanna speak in MSND…boo
computers being weird…we made some sexxxxy songs…hahaha we watched
the Swan Princess…YES…it was hot. soooo hot..

Les Info 4 Update: 12 songs…woot

Luv ya’ll…especially you…<3

HAPPY EASTER!

AAAAAAAAAAH! Amazing! My beloved hath return!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSS! I
haven’t been able to write in like 2 days and i felt mighty
deprived…it was upsetting…so yea…I’m here in WILD virginia…and
we have no clothes on

As it appears…my life is steadily and increasingly falling
apart…Everything. I can’t even begin to pick up the pieces…they’re
too scattered. And the fates are never seeing the light. And its reason
enough to die.

We have been beastin it up……..let me tell you…

BEEFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omg im so sad i cudnt go to jackies today…that would have been so
fun…o well MWA HA…we went to williamsburg and absconded with
kilts….mat would have been proud. (i took pictures babe…itll be
exciting)

o baby. someone is being…weird. i just spilled water boooo.

ok so ummmmm………lemmie see…i have like 483948204322222 things i
have to say and write about. So we left on wednesday at like 4…it was
sexy…i sat on the train…called mat for like 3 hours…and sang her
ALL of west side story of the phone…it was a little absurd…people
were staring…called sarah…mmm….jackie…i love you. and slept.
then we got there and they drove us two hours to their house. it was
amazing…emlyn and i were just talking nonsensical jibberish for like
hours on end and yes. it was hot. and i love them. they are a sexpot of
a family. So we got to their house at like 11 or w/e…and like…hmmm i dont remember…frolicked about…slept…did stuff…

The next morning Emlyn had school…HAHA. Ummm…i slept till 12:30 and
then we went to pick her up and go to lunch…it was good and they made
me tell them all about Paul. Then we went to the mall…hot. it was the
most amazing thing ever. we had like 2 hours and 20 dollars…and
somehow we got…3 shirts, 5 thongs, and 3 pairs of earrings..it was
amazing. some amazing times.

“THREE DOLLARS IS TOO MUCH!”

“The ghetto-manhatten-chinese place”

“Do you think they have sporty thongs?
How YOU doing?”

O baby. What a sexy adventure. Oh and it was amazing…I called
Christina and she told me about the play and stuff and i was literally
running and yelling and screaming and jumping up and down. It was
awesome. But then I got upset cuz i have lines….NOOOOOOOOOOO

THIS CANNOT HAPPEN. I CANNOT ACT. I AM A FIEND. I WILL FUCK UP THE
ENTIRE PLAY. MS OHM IS ON DRUGS. JEN SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT. I SUCK. I
CANNOT SPEAK. I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SPEAK. BLEK.

Tuesday is runthru and i am going to kill myself.

So anyway…I have 2 monologues…and I was confused because Christina
told me that Dan had told her that so I didnt no for sure so i was all
nervous hoping i didnt…but i do. BOO. I wanted to be one of the
little fairies. BOOOO. I’m never gonna be able to do my monologues.

We have to have our lines memorized by Wednesday. Not happening.

ANYWAY…After our amazing shopping spectacular…we went to eat at
Cogan’s…played pool….beasted it up….and um yea…then HAHAHA the
amazingnessness of Harris Teeter. We were in there and Emlyn’s like:

Em: I was beefy
Me: Wait, Eepy?
Em: Beefy.
Me: Meepy?
Em: Beefy.
Me: Peefy?
Em: Beefy!
Me: Teefy?
Em: BEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFFYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Screaming loudly and horrendously*

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL It was the FUNNIEST thing EVER!!!!!! I really couldn’t hear! I’m deaf! And so then Emlyn’s just
standing there in the middle of the open space near the cash register
standing there SCREAMING at the top of her lungs “BEEEEFY!” And
everyone turns and stares at her and shes just standing there. Then we
ran. As fast as we could…out the door…into the car…laughing and
screaming Beefy. It was amazing. Really beefy.

K…then we went home…and I flipped out when I found out I really did
have 2 monologues…which are like the WEIRDEST monologues ever…and
make no sense….and are retarded….anyway…then we watched A
Midsummer’s Night Dream…and in the movie…the fairy is drunk…so
now I’m confused…but I prolly shudn’t go by that version…that be
bad.

Ummm…then…haha we watched Caffiene and then FRAGGLE ROCK!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSS!

I'm always here.
I'm never there.
I'm never, ever anywhere.
Excepting here, 'cause here is where I'm in.
But when I go from here to there,
My here comes with me everywhere,

-The best song EVER. My love. It's deep yo. <3
'Till there is here, and here is where I've been.

Uhhh I thinks we went to bed then.

MWA HA

Today was beast. We woke up at like 8 and drove to Williamsburg. We
were gonna go to North Carolina to canoe in the alligator marshes…but
we decided against it…So yea…It was hot. We took lots of
pictures…ill have to put them on webshots…ummm…We spent like 10
hours in the toy store playing with gadgets…fun…we found these
really cool necklaces that Cheryl ended up buying us…yay…and then
strange fairies…then uhh…rain…and then lunch…AAAAAAH OMG!

Ok so we were waiting for our table for like 834902 hours and so Emlyn
and i decided to get up and scare away the people…by giving them
menacing stares….it was AMAZING…We went over…and knocked on the
window…and they all looked up from their talking…and then we stared
at them menacingly…it was life changing. Really. Spiritually
uplifting. I was trying so hard not to laugh. Then we just started
making faces at them…it was awesome. They were a little
disturbed…and then our waiter came and led us to another table…and
we realized they werent the ones we were supposed to be scaring…so we
were just harassing some poor innocent people…HAHAHAHAHAHA

Um…after lunch…we went more shopping…to the bookstore…and i got
a really cool Beatles poster…im like a beatles fanatic…its kinda
scurry. and we got coffee…and then the MOST AMAZING PART!

There was a Scotish Store…and they were selling authentic
kilts!!!!!!! I was like flipping out. I knew Mat would have a heart
attack…I took so many pictures…then Emlyn and I stole the kilts and
other various items including a leprechan suit and took amazing
pictures…it was beastin…we bought some Rogers stuff…but the kilts
were really expensive so we didnt get them…otherwise i DEF would have
gotten you one mat. It was enlightening.

AH! MY SONG!:

“Something is not right.

Something is quite wrong.

And so…I sing this song…”

It was amazing. We skipped about singing my song. It was a magical moment. Truly.

So then we went home…and uhm….i dont really remember
anything…OMG!!!!!! I talked online with my dad and we had THE
funniest conversation…EVER. I had “Emlyn” talk to him…it was a god.
I need to find it…it was hilarious…then we went and made home made
twinkies…they are amazing…and tried (key word tried) to memorize my
lines…i suck. i dont even know how im supposed to say it…BOO.

AMAZING:

RickSuchenski: hello Emmy.  I like muffins too…but can’t afford to eat them too often!

AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I guess you’d have to know him and the entire story…LOLOL…That’s sooo funny.

RickSuchenski: I heard you had a boyfriend?
AnInnocentBanjo: yea i had sex with him
RickSuchenski: I’ll ignore that one.
RickSuchenski: What is (or was) his name?
AnInnocentBanjo: it was a girl actually
AnInnocentBanjo: paulina
RickSuchenski: Paulina is a good name!
AnInnocentBanjo: yea!

o.m.g. that’s just not right.

AnInnocentBanjo: how old are you again?
RickSuchenski: too old….46.

Too old to be fucking a 20 year old.

Wow. Why am I still writing? It’s 3:30 and I can hear birds chirping already. I am…stupid.

RickSuchenski: “Gonna save the  AMININALS!!!!!” dun, dunt dunt, dunt….

PLEASE STOP! That’s just not natural!

RickSuchenski: OK…so what other songs??…..and don’t do like you sometimes do….start without having a plan!!!!
AnInnocentBanjo: not sure yet
RickSuchenski: so there is no plan!!??
AnInnocentBanjo: there is a plan…but…i dunno
RickSuchenski: ok…you 2 always produce a quality product in the end.  You always did.

Alright that one you’d have to be me or emlyn to understand…or have grown up with us…LOLOLOLOL…This is so fun.

AnInnocentBanjo: beef
RickSuchenski: So we’ve moved from muffins to beef??!!
RickSuchenski: what happened to milk?
AnInnocentBanjo: the natural soy bean plant of nevada
AnInnocentBanjo: milk?
RickSuchenski: milk goes better with muffins

THAT WAS AMAZING. *dies of laughter*

RickSuchenski: Can’t you find better music to “steal”!!??
AnInnocentBanjo: …
AnInnocentBanjo: no

Wow. that was moving. VAGABOND!!!!!!

Then ummm….we wandered some more….sat there…made fun of our
parents….listened to Les Info and thrashed…then made the first 2
songs of Les Info 4….its gonna be amazing! MENACING STARES!!!!!!

For Jackie:

Ed Stevens: We’re circling each other like Venezuelan flamingoes engaged in a complex mating dance.

Warren Cheswick: What’s zeroing down?
Donna Tozzi: What?
Warren Cheswick: You know instead of what’s going down… What’s zeroing… never mind. 

Mike Burton: I figure I’ll go downtown once a month, maybe work the hotel lobbies, sell my body to aging divorcees.
Nancy Burton: Well, honey, you really think we can live on thirty-eight cents a month?

Yea that has happened to me.

I really think I should sleep now.

Oh man…I need a hobby…I still love him…and it’s a problem…its taking over my life…AAAH ❤ you forever.

Wow this is long. Sry.

…Somewhere…

Les Info 4 Update: 2 songs. Oh baby.

I feel…Everything is wrong. I fear…I’ve lost everything. Everything is wrong. Who are these people? God everything is messed up now. Stop. Stop. Just please make it stop. Everything’s slipping away…everyone. I’m pushing everyone away and everything that was ever pure is black. Black. Dark black.


My life…my social structure…my friends…broken. Fallen apart.


Blek I’m being dramatic.


All of my friends are drifting away….every single one…and I am left all alone in the dark. I suppose…since I never played up my troubles…I mean my REAL troubles…no one actually thinks I’m having difficulty…so they just sort of allow themselves to forget about me…convince themselves there’s nothing wrong with me and they don’t have to burden themselves…I guess then, I should have expressed my depression…my fear…and my pain. But I wanted to be strong…for everyone…I didn’t want to burden them…And it seems like nice guys finish last. It’s not fair…but life has never been fair. So I’m left alone in the corner with everyone pointing their fingers at me…and praising the whiney complainers. Feel bad for them. Yea right.


Wow I sound soooo bitchy. Sry.


All this time I thought I was just the one convincing myself nothing was wrong…I was the only one hiding…but I think everyone else is doing it to me too…So I form a shell…and I hide. I hide from myself and from them. And now I am empty. Everyone has given in. Including me. So I remain alone.


Most everything in my life is a lie. And so, the dance evolves.


 


Alright…so it’s 5th period…and I’m leaving for VA at 2:30…woooot….I haven’t seen Em in like 4 months….I’m excited…not really done packing tho…I think we’re gonna make Les Info 4….YESSS. Score. Alright…let’s see…I have to update stuff….


Today I woke up at 8:02. Bad Ren. Bad. So I got to school at like 8:20 and I was in big trouble with the Dean since I’m late every single day. Boo. I’m such a bad kid. So I had like 15 minutes of boring ass french to sit through. Then English was interesting…I’ve started a theory that Mr. O’b reminds alotttt of Ms. Nuse…hard, strict…but a really great teacher..and really cares…and when you give them the chance…are kinda nice/cool. Yea I think I’m the only person on the planet that thinks Ms. Nuse is cool. But that’s only cuz she likes HP.


Math…haha OMGGGG it was the most amazing thing in the entire world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA jackie i LOVE you. We were passing notes…and she was trying to make it all smoothe so she flicks it and she accidently chucks her pen at Rob instead. It like bounces off of him and flies back to her desk. It was AMAZING. I guess you had to be there. I was like dying. Jackie and I were the only one’s laughing. I want you Jax.


For Jackie:


“I’ve got sales reps from seven companies following me around like I’m a virgin at a rodeo.” -Phil Stubbs, Episode 2.


and


“Your friend here is a tough nut to crack, and I am one hungry squirrel.”

-Warren to Molly
(Episode 3)


Ummm…activities…was MEAN. Mean people. Grrr…I’ll have to write about that later…


Bio…didn’t do my project…Mwa ha ha…LOL Caroline did the funniest thing…she wanted to go in an see Zeig so she just like runs in and hugs Connor and then walks out. It was amazing. I lover her. Zeig was like “YEA!” lol…amazing ppl.


We forgot the tape recorder!!!!!