YES! IT IS RETURN!!!!!!!!!
stupid xanga was down. hoe.
As I said…I haven’t updated in forever. Lets seee here….quick over
view of my extrrrrremely exciting life…ready? this is gonna be good
(NOT REALLY…its really boring so dont read it if u have anything
better to do with ur time):
Wednesday: Campbell that little HOE stole my letters. GR. I don’t
really remember what happened the rest of the day. I was mad at him.
After school was weird…hung out with some people…people are weird.
Didn’t go to rehearsal. Finallllly went to ballet…hated everyone
there. Got KICKED OUT….AGAIN! God Jennifer. lol. went home and
bitched to campbell. sry bout that…not.
Thursday: Missed the first few periods due to…something. Then
was…bleh…i really dont remember what happened at all. this is why i
shud update and not forget everything. i prolly updated my webshots a
whole bunch…theres like 111 pics now…It’s really quite disturbing.
I think I also made Rob, Bob and Warren’s xangas. O baby. after school,
had a fun rehearsal…i think we did act 1 and
stuffness…dinner…then dougs class was beastin. tiring. but beastin.
ed and caroline broke up and it was sad.
Friday: day was…interesting…peer leaders…didn’t do my bio
presenation on condoms so im going monday…yup. then REALLY fun
rehearsal, we did Cool and i learned WAY too much about Mr. Zeigler and
Dan. ❤ him. Cool is really fun but I cudnt dance that day. then to
amy’s house to get ready…but amy and sara were poopers for the
beginning. christina made a xanga. amy, sara, christina and i had fun
getting ready…yay…i looked like a whore. ummmm….then…..EEK!
Good god formal was soooo fun. I wrote a REALLLY long entry about it on
my livejournal so I don’t feel like retyping it again. Let’s just say I
wasn’t an innocent banjo. anyway, i had no expectations for the dance
so it was surpisingly amazing. highlights:
-dance off…oooo baby…i soooo won
-brian got the loudest cheer wooo
-GANG BANGING….EVERYONE ❤ u jax
-tango partners: jmo and choi
-toxic, naughty girl, baby got back and hey ya
-EVILLLL ppl who play certain other ppls songs…shame on u
-ummm…being a whore….
-hahahahaha things which i shall NOT disclose about a certain feminine….thing
-being sandwiched and evil Zeigler chasing me around with the camera
-brian looked like a bartender lol
-miles and his hot shirt:
AnInnocentBanjo: i liked ur…shirt
MRKfireworshiper: hahaha before or after i took it off
AnInnocentBanjo: def after
MRKfireworshiper: did u have fun at the dance
AnInnocentBanjo: o baby
AnInnocentBanjo: haha i was such a whore
MRKfireworshiper: u are a whore
Oh, good times, good times. hahahahahaha i was shimmeying so much that
my boobs were bleeding when i took off my dress. ya, too much info.
anyway. great night.
Then i slept over amy’s…and let me tell u! it was the hottest after
party you will everrrr see. shuda been there…it was wild. lol. we
watched some scary japanese thing. haha…luv ya girl.
Saturday: Stupid me left my bags at amy’s so i didnt have a ballet bag.
went to class and it wasnt that bad…ms. y wasnt as much of a
bitch…but i didnt want to stay for the swan lake audition or makeup
class like my mom wanted me to. we went to lunch at the cafe. awww good
memories. *sigh* then i dont really think i did anything….watched
Ed…YES! then went to market fair and ate dinner and went to see in
good company with jmo, jax, christina, cat and me…and OOOOMG ppl are
SOOOO annoying. the ppl in front of us were little whores…even tho
the guys were hot. hahaha i threw popcorn at them and they got mad. it
was funny…really. haha cat i love u. LOL dinner was sooooo funny
because i was talking about……stuff….and the guy next to us was
soooooo scared. and i got some strange sticky white substance on my
ass…and then i called campbell and didnt realize i was talking about
it. guess you had to be there. <3. then we went to TARGET my fav.
place on earth and i got some cdssss woot. they had to kick us out cuz
it was like 10:30. went home, was stalked by phee (o baby) and watched
snl…then gigi. GOOD DAY!
Sunday: Ah! It’s getting dark already. OMMMMG! The radiators are
fucking broked so its FREEEEEEEZING in here and my asshole dad won’t
pay for them to be fixed. So im wearing like 37289427423973820 layers
and spent the whole day next to the fire. so then i had to go get some
more wood…THAT was an adventure, let me tell u. lol. i think i broke
my butt searching for some wood. then i didnt no that its not supposed
to be wet wood…so it didnt even work. BOO! since i dont have my books
i have like nothing to do…and just wasted the day. woke up at 1.
missed rehearsal. sry shell. so i watched Ed…YESSIR! then actually
read. i read the series of unfortuunate events cuz i was bored. and its
SO cold that my face is frozen so bad that it wont move. its realllllly
weird. anyway. i think i need to go to hun later to do my condom thing.
i missed youth group. woops. sry ame. today was a lazy, cold day.
anyway…i need to do work…but…i cant! wa. i guess ill sit around
and freeze. i almost fainted it was so cold…that’s prolly bad. well
im all alone too…rich and christina are in ny and mommys at the
store. no one will notice my death.
I’m suffering from Mat withdrawl. I haven’t talked to her in ages and
I’m gonna cry. Boo. I need my Marissa. And Sarah’s gone too! Bah.
O M H F G. THE EAGLES BETTER WIN.
Jmo bet his virginity to jon on the patriots. this will be the one and
ONLY time in my ENTIRE life that i will care about the superbowl. i am
going to be screaming at yelling at the top of my lungs at the screen.
o dear god. what has the world come to?
Yesterday, in class, Ms. Youskevitch was talking to us about ponches
and how not to dive into it…she said: “There is a point of no return.
Once you take yourself so far down that even you cannot control
yourself, you’re gone.” Sometimes I fear I’ve passed to point of no
return…I wonder if there’s any hope for me at all. Surely, Ms. Y was
talking about a ballet move, but it struck something inside of me.
There’s a change everywhere I go, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s me
that’s changed…not the world. I’ve lost the urge to love, to be loved
and to find the joy in life that I always held dear. A darkness haunts
me and I fear. I fear not death, nor pain, but the prospect of never
coming out again. Going blind. I’ve learned, over time, that I’m
happiest alone. While there’s a constant force pulling me to be social,
I’m genuinely most content in solitude. I ride the elevators up and
down for hours between rehearsals at ballet, just so I don’t have to
talk to them. I go up and down, staring at the walls, praying that
nobody’s there when the doors open. And it’s then when I wonder if
there’s something wrong with me. I don’t recall ever being this way
before…but there’s a terror now. I fear I’ve crossed the point of no
return. It struck me yesterday, as I watched couples walk by, that I
didn’t want that. I wanted to be alone…No one would ever understand
me and it’s easier to never take the risk. No, I never used to be this
way. I want a life of solitude. This is where it’s driven me. Alone. Up
and down the elevators. Feeling the vibrations of the box hurtling me
when my feet refuse to climb…and when my soul refuses to live. Alone.
This is where I am. Locking myself in this hell. I smile, but with no passion. I love, but with no
heart. I feel, but only a whisper. I see, but only what I want to see.
I know…I fear I’ve crossed the point of no return.
Sam closed her xanga. Boo.
Well I suppose I should go do something useful and stop boring you. Not
that anyone reads these extremely long posts filled with pointless
paragraphs. (you can tell ive been reading the series) …that
is…except for my stalkers. which are, sturpisely, quite a few. To
mat, you are…scary…to phee…you are….sexy. Ok actually, maybe I
only have 2 stalkers. but that’s alright…we’re working on it. Either
way, no one in their right mind would stalk me or even read these
posts…yet that seems fitting due to the fact that both Mat and Phee
have lost their minds. Perhaps misplaced…But mine is gone forever.
Not even sure if I was born with a mind…”Detective say no going…you
tell me do things….I done running.”…ya, my motto. If you didn’t
know it before, there is clear evidence now that I am insane…as you
may have deduced. Please stay away
from the semi-permeable, temporarily crazy Lauren stalkers as well as
the permantely “unstable” Lauren…until her whereabouts are secure.
And be sure to steer clear of flying red horseshoes, spongey teeth and
detergent…they can inflict much harm. As for
now…Peace Up, A-Town Down.
“Who I am hates who I’ve been.”